By Moulshree Srivastav

To begin with, I myself am a die-hard feminist and an extremely opinionated woman; I’m neither jittery in voicing my disagreements nor shy in calling out someone if they have been at fault.

But the question is, does being more of these things make me any less of a woman who likes the door being held open for her? Or who wants to be asked out on dates? Or simply somebody who wants to be treated with kindness and basic human decency? Then I’m sorry but the answer is NO.

Feminism And Chivalry Are Not Mutually Exclusive

In terms of gender equality, we’ve come a long way in the past decade. Women are now being paid a similar income to their male counterparts, they are being offered the same position and power as men in most offices and also, they like being in relationships that feel equal.

Being an aspiring person, I too want these things for myself but there’s also an old-school part of me that loves it when my guy pampers me, like offering me his jacket when it’s freezing cold, or when he helps me walk down the staircase in my 6-inch stilettos or for that matter when he snatches the beer bottle from my hand because I’m too drunk to decide for myself.

So yes, I don’t believe that in order to be a feminist I have to sacrifice being treated with warmth and respect. Feminism and chivalry can very well co-exist.

I like the door being held open for me not because I am a woman but because I’m human and I find it really charming when somebody indulges in such kind gestures to make me feel good.

Read More: Why Are Women Like Kareena Kapoor Shy/Scared To Call Themselves Feminists As If It Is A Bad Thing?

Feminism Isn’t Man-hating

During a recent promotional event for her film, popular actress Kareena Kapoor Khan made quite a stir in the media by delivering a somewhat absurd statement. On being asked about her views on feminism, she said and I quote, “I believe in equality but I wouldn’t say I am a feminist.”

As the number of errors in the sentence was made evident by means of various trolls on Twitter, everyone seemed to have missed the most basic implication of her statement: feminism is considered as a bad word and probably still seen as a threat.

It’s linked with this constant need to prove a point, to emerge powerful, to outshine men but no, feminism isn’t any of these things.

Feminism for women is simply equality: politically, socially and economically. We don’t necessarily have to demean one gender to give equal opportunities to the other.

And it is because of these false notions associated with feminism that we seem to have predisposed ideas about what a feminist woman is supposed or not supposed to want.

Chivalry isn’t contradictory to feminism; they’re both synonymous to being humane

The point is clear, we as women, should not deprive ourselves of simple pleasures in life stating gender equality as the issue. We do not have to lose in order to gain.

Also, as noted by Hillary Clinton that women’s rights are human rights, I believe that a woman expecting a man to be courteous and kind to her is just as normal as any other human demanding the same from their near and dear ones because honestly if I asked a guy whether he would mind me opening the door for him, what would he possibly say?

Image Credits: Google Images

Sources: Wikipedia, Firstpost, New York Times

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I, A Male Feminist, Don’t Believe That Femininity Is A Weakness In Women


  1. I agree with every single thing you said. Feminism isn’t about men not opening doors for women. It’s about women doing it, too. Very necessary write-up at a time when being a feminist is associated with not needing warmth. Very succinctly and aptly put. Kudos to the writer.

    • Thank you so much!
      Considering the present-day scenario where the definition of feminism is so hugely misunderstood, I believe it is the duty of every man and woman to support its cause instead of being led by false notions associated with it. The need of the hour is to eliminate the many misconstrued ideas about feminism from the society and all of us, irrespective of our genders, should play an instrumental role in doing so from our end.

  2. I don’t think most women in westernized countries will receive chivalrous acts from most men anymore nor will men in those countries date them. In the East, I see a growing number of men from the West talking about how feminine East Asian women are and how they are more feminine (and thus, more desirable) than their western counterparts.

    Most of the men I have talked to about this curious subject directly blame feminism for this and call it “role reversal.”

    All I can say that from what I have observed is that feminism is causing more harm than good and will possibly cause a serious social fracturing in Western societies.

  3. My wife left me as a form of designer divorce because she was empowered by Feminism. Not only that, but she used Femenist attorneys and a Feminist dominated Family court and counseling system to favor her appeal that she was the victim merely because she is the Woman leaving me to feel guilty and shamed into being Chivilrous toward her and our children by taking the knee and settling everything outside of court. Sixty days after signing a marital settlement agreement with her that I shouldn’t have but did because I was still feeling blind sided, shocked, and our love despite the typical growing pains and squabbles associated with balancing marriage after children, a younger man moved into the house that my Chivilrous upbringing led me to subsidize for her. Mostly, however; the feelings of fear for my children’s wellbeing prompted this deep seeded act of Chivilry somehow conjured up by my subconscious in the midst of the Feminist Empowered Coup De ‘Tat launched against the family life I was Chivilrously raised to understand. Deep down the majority of Men are taught and understand that it is Women and Children first. A very Chivilrous nature, easily exploited by a covertly exploitative Feminist Front.
    As I sit here now looking back at the decisions I made based on my attributes of Chivilry that were exploited by Coersive Feminist Empowement I wonder why there were no special interest groups protecting me “the Man” from the same thing “the Man” apparently did to spark the Feminist movement in the first place.
    You see, my Wife first filed for Custody and not Divorce. She did this after a fight we had that did become loud and argumentative, but was by no means domestic violence or abuse. She called the police which never happened or needed to happen in our entire twelve year relationship. Her attempt was to obtain a Protection from Abuse order and/or paint a picture of me as the violent perpetrator male to gain foreground on a future Custody and then Divorce battle preconceived by her Feminist Empowerment Network. She was already seeing an apparent grief counselor for a year after the death of our family dog. The counselor is in fact a Feminist. She Empowered my wife through awareness of a Deluth Power and Control Wheel that paints a picture of Men and Men alone as perpetrators of control and violence which leads Women to the fears and anxieties that they suffer in life. My wife had suffered from anxiety when I first met her. She also suffered from postpartum depression and then the grief. She was treated intermittently with Wellbutrin supposedly for trying to quit smoking I was told when we first met, Klonopin, and later in our marriage with Dextroamphetamine for supposed adult ADHD. I personally believe she was using the Dextroamphetamine to stay alert at night as she is a nightshift nurse and then using the Klonopin to come down during the day, but that’s just my conjecture.
    To get back on track, she filed for Custody after obtaining a police report as directed or shall we say coached by her Feminist counselor. Prior to Family Court Conciliation she attempted every tactic available to fear me into agreeing to her predetermined custody schedule that was slanted 70/30 in her favor. I attempted to slow this process down and put the Custody issue aside to work on our relationship. Regardless, she was adamant, no driven like a well coached professional athlete toward Submission playing on my fear and my true Chivilrous nature with tactics derived from the false nature of men projected by the Deluth Model. Not understanding the construct of Family Law and having never been coached or offered any Networked training I began to feel myself slipping into a very uncanny and fearful defensive position. I was feeling attacked. When I was unable to talk down the pending Consiliation hearing that was rapidly approaching, my fear led me to discuss a Custody schedule that I wasn’t ready to discuss. I stood up to her 70/30 and demanded 50/50 as any justifiable means of dividing children between Man and Wife. We are married, how are we discussing Custody and how is there a court hearing arriving so quickly? Things she would say were like, ” the judge is gonna order every other weekend if you don’t work this out” ultimately giving me less time than the 70/30 she wanted me to agree to. She barked such things in confident yet sharp and demeaning tones playing on fear and guilt with her repeatedly shaming me into thinking how she “had to” call the police on me. Well she didn’t, and the police report justified that. She was abusing me. Coercing me, but silently- emotionally and psychologically to always get what she wanted and for the entirety of our relationship. Playing constantly on my Chivilrous nature. In the end it was more like gaslighting. I didn’t even fully comprehend the difference between Custody and Divorce let alone Conciliation and Custody and had no idea that there is an arm of Family Law called Domestic Relations and what the function of it is. I thought this was all One thing. We’re a Family-Married and our Children are a part of this Marriage. I only ever knew that there was Divorce and not the butcher shop that is called Family Law. A Chivilrous Man does not divide and conquer a family a Coersive Feminist Network goes further than division-they give no quarter. Their call to Chivilry is not what they intend. It is a call to gesture Submission. The goal is Subjugation and Control. If it is about Equality then why is it increasingly Men that are subdued to suffering.
    Back to the story, or shall I say the Feminist game plan. The court date is upon me. I’m under duress. It’s exactly where they want me to be. Groomed like a child by a predator and raped of all that I find sacred will I forever feel from my experience with Feminist orchestrated Designer Divorce. I buck up despite my duress and pay for an attorney. I can’t justify agreeing to my wife’s demands to accommodate her 70/30 Custody proposal. I don’t know where this comes from. I can’t even grasp that I’m in court against my wife and for my children and why isn’t she just being fair about this and agreeing to 50/50 while we work on our relationship? After all, she said she doesn’t want to get a Divorce. She said she just wants to work out Custody first in case she has to move out while working on the marriage. Why can’t she just be Equal?
    Well, I’ll tell you why. Despite my winning a 50/50 week on week off Interim Custody Order at Conciliation we were ordered to have a Custody Evaluation with a third party Councelor. Isn’t this over I thought? Nope, enter the red flags and power plays of the Feminist Machine. Turns out either party can sue for full Custody in a judged Custody Trial with the purpose of a Custody Evaluation to help the judge determine what is best for Children. Ours were just 6 and 3, certainly not mature for court. Wouldn’t you know it-the Custody Evaluator was a Feminist. Despite the fact that my son scored slightly more favorable in preferring me and my daughter slightly more favorable for preferring mom with a very normative boy/dad attachment girl/mom attachment they basically preferred their parents equally-50/50, Dad preferred the children equally-50/50 and Mom preferred the children disproportionally- 70/30. Everyone was deemed stable. However, my Wife had to disclose her anxiety. I didn’t want to demean my Wife, afterall; I am a Man of Chivelry so I didn’t pursue an aggressive attack of her character regarding her history with Psyc meds. I merely stated that I was concerned about her use and the stability of her mood and I told the Councelor I wanted to work out our marriage and that I loved her despite all of this. Picture now your knight in shining armor on his Civilrous knee championing his lady, because she is is lady and there is no circumstance that he will not defend her honor. The result was a slanted report in favor of more time of Custody for Mom when everything including the Consiliators recommendation pointed to 50/50. Further, the Femenist Custody Evaluator reported that Mom’s anxiety was caused by Marital stress when the purpose of the report was designed to be specifically for Custody Evaluation purposes. What a set up. Not only did this Feminist abuse her power to favor the Woman’s wishes for an unequal Custody Evaluation, she preemptively slanted a future Divorce action by reporting a false assessment regarding the roots of a Womans psychiatric problems. Talk about gaslighting? I thought that’s what Men do to Women? Huh? This Feminist was trained-no brainwashed-by the Deluth Model too. Men are perpetrators. Women’s anxieties are caused by Men’s Power and Control. If Men want 50/50 shared Custody with their Children it can’t possibly be because they love them-it must be because they are manipulative. It turns out the reason my Wife pushed so hard for her slanted Custody arrangement was because she knew beforehand if things were done Equally and fair that the arm of the Law called Domestic Relations would catch her in the pocket. And the Feminist Custody Evaluator knew this as well. Why was I left naive? Is it because I am a Man. I’m expected to be Chivilrous and pay for Women? My wife earned $60,000 a year salary to my $40,000. A Woman paying a Man child support? I never even comprehended it. A Chivilrous Man doesn’t perceive such a a notion. A Coersive Femenist does everything in the Networks power to block the situation from ever arising.
    My next stop was another Court ordered program. This one designed to educate Men and Women about the Equality of coparenting. We were ordered to sit through a class of propaganda dictated by yet another Feminist Master. We were told not to pursue court and that it was best to work things out with our soon to be coparents. The Men were made to feel intimidated, threatened and feared of the Court process. We were showed books entitled “Everyother weekend and a day” inspired of the old school mentality that Men deserve such inequality in raising the children they love. It gave me a sort of that’s what Men get when they go to Court attitude so you better work it out the way your Wife wants or you’ll get even less. We were showed excerpts from the movie Cramer Vs. Cramer where the Man of a Custody battle ultimately loses despite his persistence and evidant justification as the Woman walks out on the Family. Scare tactics? More Intimidation? More gaslighting? I thought this was supposed to be a class about Equally coparenting in the best interest of Children? This Feminist even went as far as staying in her lecture that, “us Women have Networks, we talk to one another, we have support systems”, and then she went on to ask seemingly rhetorically, “what do you Men have?” And when no one answered she barked and answered for us, “that’s what I thought-Nothing!”, referring to to our silence. We have no voice collectively and a single voice is easily silenced. Sounds a bit like coercive control. Hey, isn’t that in the Deluth Model? I thought that’s what exclusively Men do to Women to create overwhelming fear as a means of power and control?
    After meeting with these two court ordered Femenists, my Wife was all reved up on her dextroamphetamine and sense of Empowerment threatening me via email and phone that I better work out the Custody arrangement like the Evaluator says or I’m going to have to pay for day care too. More coercion. More Imtimidation. More bullying and beating down. Meanwhile, I’m beginning to panic about providing for day care costs and I’m working on picking up health insurance of my own, working out spreadsheet budgets where I can account for these new expenses, makeing cuts in my standard of living. She never filed for Divorce. It wasn’t in their gameplan. She toggled the idea over my head of the possibility of the marriage working out through marriage counseling. Just another Feminist Networker there encouraging me to play their game. This Feminist said things like ,”what’s wrong with working out Custody first before deciding on Divorce?” Saying things like, “Surrender.” and stating things like I “betrayed” my Wife by allowing my attorney to fight for 50/50 during the Custody Conciliation. I was betrayed. This Feminist damn well knew that my Wife wanted to win on Custody first, so that she could move out and subsidize her living arrangements with Child support from the Man. From there she’d be better able to fight her opponent in Divorce through leverage with Control of the Children and a diminished amount of resources levied by the Child support.
    In the end I was played through my Chivilry. Never once Empowered to accept the entitlement to Equality that I deserved. I never received the alimony I deserved. I’d have received over $80,000 if I wasn’t coerced into a Marital settlement agreement. Instead I ended up paying $15,000 from home equity to subsidize the purchase of a new home for her. I never collected any child support from her even though I was entitled to receiving from her and ended up paying half the Childrens medical premiums and significantly reducing my standard of living to do so. These things all done in Chivilry based on unconditional love for my lady, my family, my children and then exploited by Feminism. This screams of inequality. And what? Now that I see what I was hit with I’m supposed to hold the door for you? I’ll hold this for you; a counter to your waves and remind you in counting that now it is no longer Man”s burden so Woman you remember this: from the sweat of your own brow You sHall eat bread until you return to the ground; from dust you have come and to dust you sHall return. Chivelry is gone from you. I am the New Wave.


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