By Sneha Barua
Dimming the lights. Drawing the curtains. Locking the room with the customary glass of milk in hand and a shy smile on the face. Correct. I am describing the beginning of typically shot sex scenes in Hindi movies.
In a country where the word “Sex” is still spoken in hush-hush tones with eavesdroppers staring at you as if you just confessed sleeping with their moms, we can’t expect realistic sex scenes being shown in the movies, right?
Now, come on! The fact that there is a sex scene compensates for all of that, nay?
It’s an oxymoron that a country where the population is jumping leaps and bounds day by day is still so regressive in its mindset as if babies are born out “sanskars” and not sexual intercourse.
And this has some ridiculously funny results with sex scenes in Hindi movies intended to be erotic becoming unintentional comedies and sometimes so gross that it would probably take you a day or two to get it out of your system.
So now that you know what I am talking about, here are some sex scenes in Hindi movies that will make you go “WTF!?”:
#1. Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon – The most annoying ‘almost’ sex scene ever!
Yes, “almost” because we like to frustrate our audience.
This movie starring Kareena Kapoor Khan and Hrithik Roshan is a typical rom-com with not only a cliché plot but one of the the most bizarre sex scenes in Hindi movies you’ve ever seen.
With a weird song playing in the background, while both are hanging out on a beach Kareena takes Hrithik’s shirt off. Woah! That’s pretty forward, eh?
After the traditional hero chasing the heroine and the customary rolling over each other on the beach with Kareena giving orgasmic expressions out of nowhere, when we finally think they are going to do it, she runs away!
Like damn girl, he was finally into his game!
After Hrithik is done chasing her again, they end up hugging each other rather aggressively. And that my dear friend, is the end of it.
WTF, really? After all this time? (If you don’t get this one, you need to rethink your existence).
#2. The One with the Pedophile – Dirty Politics
You won’t believe what this sex scene was between. Mallika Sherawat and Om Puri.
I know, creepy af!
As if the huge age gap between these two wasn’t gross enough, our dear Om ji is seen pouncing and gnawing on Mallika as if she is the last bite of food left on Earth!
God knows how she slept at night after that.
#3. Progressive plot but regressive mindset – Kya Kehna
Starring Preiti Zinta and Saif Ali Khan, although this movie focuses on premarital pregnancy and the stigma around it, the sex scene which serves as the foundation of the movie is just a stupid bunch of shit with the two deciding to do it in an open field. Weren’t they worried of getting busted?
More so, the act starts with them hugging each other because that’s what we do best. Apart from discarded clothes strewn here and there and the symbolic intertwining of hands, we see nothing else but a satisfied look on Saif’s face in the end. So much for expecting some action!
#4. Hate Story – The title says it all
Intended to be an erotic thriller, Hate Story is neither erotic nor thrilling. It’s a story of a woman who sleeps with every guy walking down the street to take revenge on a man.
While we expect some hot action as per the plot, once again our expectations are thrust down our throats. That woman actually transfers confidential data from a corporate magnate’s phone while the guy is busy romping the shit out of her!
Incredible India, I must say.
5. The Gross-iest of the gross – Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Here, our Khiladi Mr. Akshay Kumar is seen romancing Rekha.
Seriously what is it with ancient actors sleeping with the young lads? Anyway, the supposed sex scene starts off with a pretty shady song playing in the background which goes like “In The Night, No Control.” True that!
Rekha tries her best to seduce Akshay which, trust me, doesn’t need any efforts. From going to the pool to dancing all over the place, Akshay suddenly starts thrusting chocolate syrup and fruits into Rekha’s mouth which looks no more than a food porn gone wrong.
They are seen doing Kamasutra like dancing in a mud pool without any actual sex happening!
Impressed by the fact that they at least care for cleanliness (they started showering together), our hopes are again met with disappointment.
However, I wouldn’t deny the fact that Hindi cinema is taking baby steps towards showing realistic sex scenes with movies like B.A. Pass, but there is still a long way to go.
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