Disclaimer: Originally published in October 2017. It is being republished since it still remains an interesting topic till today.
Is polyamory reserving the right to love different people at once? We need to delve deeper into the nitty-gritty of this argument.
The science of keeping love alive
I don’t know whether love is free. Do you?
Brains and bodies have been subdued before, but love? No!
It is love which blossoms to its full extent when free. No court in the universe or decree can tear away the power of love.
What happens to love when chains of moral obligation are set loose?
That is when polyamory comes into the picture. The practice of loving more than one person at the same time.
But this is no cheating!
You have the consent and the knowledge of your partner. Everything is laid down on the table to avoid any conflict.
Painting love with a different picture
Folks, what’s your idea of magical love? Falling in love with the one and settling down till death?
Well, broaden your horizons then!
Research shows that this is not the picture that even our hunter-gatherer ancestors had in their minds. Forget the narrative of the Flinstones wherein a nuclear family, the male went out to hunt and the female counterpart stayed behind looking after children or the house.
Anthropologists from around the world found pieces of evidence arguing that prehistoric societies were based on polyamory. Sharing and surviving with each other earned the support of their clan.
And having sex with more than one partner among the clan members rose because of need.
Also read: SexED: “Asexuality is Not A Joke”, And Other Things Asexuals Want You To Know
Opening up the boundaries between a friend and a lover
The point of polyamory is to create relationships with deeper notions of trust. To accept that love is not defined merely by sexual exclusivity but your actual concern and respect for someone.
You desire for mutual growth and take accountability for your actions. This explains why polyamorous people are less likely to cut off contact after a break-up.
In this case, whoever thought that you can rekindle the lost love by going poly with a friend? It’s possible to have sexual feelings for someone else but harnessing it to make your marriage strong. You just saw that!
Less Jealousy and More Understanding
See, you can establish a working relationship if you communicate your emotions thoroughly.
Traditional psychology tests have shown that polyamorous people are more immune to jealousy than monogamous ones. There is a real enthusiasm in the polyamorous community for intensive conversations and digging into emotions.
Basic emotions play differently in polyamorous relationships. There is this concept called “Compersion”. Compersion is the feeling of joy associated with seeing your loved one discover love with another, as opposed to jealousy. Jealousy, when discussed, can lead to healthier relationships.
Polyamory doesn’t mean more bed-hopping or libidinous orgies
“So, a little advice. Relax. You’re not filling a job position. You’re looking for a pleasant acquaintance.. who might become a good friend… who turns out to be attractive to your senses… and a rewarding lover… then a committed partner whose heart will not stray. If you don’t see those signposts and in that order, then you’re probably on the wrong road and getting more lost with every step.”
― Anthony D. Ravenscroft, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful: An Introduction on Polyamory
When you are in a polyamorous relationship, you realize that you are a unique component of someone else’s life. This feeling liberates you from any symbolic stress or anxiety. You take a different perspective. You know your partners can fall for someone else as we are different pieces of a puzzle.
Studies have shown that polyamorous partners are more likely to engage in safe sex than the errant cheaters in a monogamous relationship. Why? The obvious reason being taking responsible steps when the cards are already laid out on the table.
With eclectic and diverse relationships on the rise, it’s up to us to decide what works for each other. But it is possible to give infinite and equal love, right?
All we want is a world where it’s safe for everyone to love.
Image Credits: Google Images
Feature Image: Willamette Week
Sources: Wikipedia, The Guardian, Live Science