Breakfast Babble: The Secret Life Of Women As Imagined By Men

Breakfast Babble is ED’s own little space on the interwebs where we gather to discuss ideas and get pumped up (or not) for the day. We judge things too. Sometimes. Always. Whatever, call it catharsis and join in, people.

Women are the most mysterious beings, according to men. Apparently, we’re running a full-blown underground society while also remembering to pay the electricity bill on time. So, dear men, let’s take a moment to celebrate the bizarre, laughable, and downright imaginative ways you think we operate.

We Have a Secret Council

Of course we do! Every night, we gather in a dark, candle-lit chamber (read: our WhatsApp group) to plot against men. We decide whose ego needs bruising, which ‘bro’ must be left on read, and when to hit you with the dreaded “Do whatever you want.”

We Speak in Code (You Just Don’t Get It)

Men think our “Hmmm” means anger; “I’m fine” means I’m definitely not fine; and “Do whatever you want” means “You better not.”

Let’s clarify: It means exactly what it says. Maybe read the situation instead of assuming we’re giving you riddles like some tragic Greek oracle.

We Dress Up Just to Confuse You

“Who are you dressing up for?” – Definitely not for you, Ajay! That winged eyeliner took 20 minutes of emotional turmoil. The new dress? It has pockets (a miracle in women’s fashion). Not everything revolves around male perception, believe it or not.

We Have Built-In GPS (Unlike You)

Men: “Let’s follow Google Maps.”

Women: “Just take that left after the chaiwala, then go straight till the uncle with a blue umbrella, then take a right at the cow.”

You call it guesswork. We call it spatial intelligence.

Also Read: Are Indian Women Paying ‘Marriage Penalty’ With Careers? Report Tells

We Are Too Emotional (Except When We’re Not)

“Women cry too much.” Oh, but when we don’t cry and stay calm during a fight? Suddenly, we’re “too cold and heartless.” Pick a struggle, dude.

Our ‘5 Minutes’ Are Mysterious

Men think “5 minutes” means “eternity.” But when you say, “Give me 5 minutes, I’m leaving,” it means “I haven’t even put on pants yet.” Double standards much?

We Are Psychic (Aka, We Pay Attention)

Men: “How did you know I was lying?” Women: “Because your voice went up, you blinked twice, and you called me ‘bro’ by accident.” We study you like a research project, except that we are good with body language cues. Science, fancy a few recommendations?

We Are ‘Hard to Understand’ (Or Probably, You Just Don’t Listen)

We’ve been saying it for years: We want respect, effort, and less unsolicited relationship advice from random uncles. But sure, let’s pretend we’re a mystery novel.

So, this Women’s Day, when you forward that “Happy Women’s Day” WhatsApp message, maybe take a moment to stop ‘figuring us out’ and just listen.

Happy Women’s Day! And no, we’re not mad… unless you think we are.

Sources: Blogger’s own opinion

Find the blogger: Katyayani Joshi

This post is tagged under: Womens Day, Women Empowerment, Feminism, Gender Equality, Comedy, Sarcasm, Men Judge Women, Secret Life, WhatsApp Humor, Indian Culture, Female Power, Social Commentary, Modern Women, Life Satire, Breaking Stereotypes, Empowerment, Women Unite, Progressive Humor, Social Justice

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