Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely based on the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real life. In short, just a good laugh.
ED Times: Hello and welcome to yet another fun episode of Fake Friendly Fridays with ED Times! Today we have with us, our beloved genius who is here to share his secrets on love, health, and fitness.
Let’s have a round of applause for Dr. Sheldon Cooper!
[Audience goes crazy as Sheldon Cooper enters, looking a bit confused]
ED Times: Hii, it’s a pleasure to have you here, is everything alright?
Sheldon Cooper: You’re in my spot.
ED Times: Umm, there is a perfectly good sofa, just for you over there.
Sheldon: But I like this one.
ED Times: Okay not an issue, we can switch.
[Sheldon happily sits down]
ED Times: So now that we are happy with our seats, shall we…
Sheldon: Oh! Wait.
[Sheldon moves the sofa a little to the right and sits down again while checking the lighting in the room]
ED Times (hoping not to get interrupted again): Shall we start?
Sheldon: Yes, Hi I’m Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, Ph.D., and, ScD, (pretty excited) OMG right?
ED Times: That’s really amazing, congrats on all your achievements. Good thing you always had your friends to support and help you out whenever needed.
Sheldon: Yeah sure, they were there and I am thankful for them. And my mum too. My brother was not of much help, cause he was getting STDs while I was getting my Ph.D.
But what I am most grateful for is my brain. Without which nothing would have been possible. And I am a big-time planner. Having a routine for everything gives me the proper time and headspace that I need to focus on real work like my research in the field of theoretical physics.
I don’t slack off no matter what, and I will advise everyone out there to be the same. As I make sure my friends too work around a proper schedule.
ED Times: Don’t they ever get annoyed with this rigid schedule?
Sheldon (proudly): I don’t understand human emotions, being the smartest person in the room does have its perks. If they are even annoyed, which of course they have no reason to be, I don’t really care…
(ED Times smiles nervously)
Sheldon: Not to sound rude or anything, I don’t really know when I am being mean to people, it feels like the part of my brain that should know all these emotions is getting a wedgie, from the rest of my brain.
(Initiates socially contracted laughter)
ED Times (a little confused): How do you cope with all this exactly?
Sheldon: I try my best to fit in, I don’t do well with conversations that have sarcasm or sexual innuendos, but instead of shying away and pretending to know it all I ask Howard to explain it to me, Amy helps too.
Being different was never the problem. People were the problem, I pity humanity at times. Being honest and blunt saves me a lot of my time. If I don’t understand something, I ask questions. No question is too silly to ask, rather people are. Humans should stop being shy and start being curious.
ED Times: These are some really good life lessons right there!!!
ED Times: As we are on it, how’s Amy, and how are things between you two?
Sheldon (With a slight smile): She is great!
ED Times: You both look so adorable together, I’m sure there are never arguments between the two of you. Always just love in the air.
Sheldon: WRONG!! Nitrogen, oxygen, and carbon dioxide are in the air.
ED Times: Hahaha, typical Sheldon I see.
(Sheldon proud that he cracked a joke)
Sheldon: Amy is the one arguing, I am reasonable. She has high hopes, I knock them down, we make a great team. I never thought this could be possible. As the sole thought of needing another human to share one’s life with has always puzzled me.
I am so interesting by myself. Never needed anyone. But Amy, there is no better match than her.
ED Times: That’s so sweet, she is pretty lucky to have you.
Sheldon: It’s actually the other way around, even though she knows my first love will always be physics, and my biggest dream was to win the Nobel prize. I was ready to sacrifice anything for it, even romantic relationships.
She was the one to always stick around and be this understanding with me. She is a blessing and the reason we could sustain our relationship.
ED Times: What is the thing you like most about her?
Sheldon: She is wise and always smells like books. She looks a little weird without her glasses. Other than that, she is perfect. I like the fact she calls me her sexy praying mantis. (giggles)
(ED Times laughs)
ED Times: If you had to give a little love advice what would it be?
Sheldon: As Hard as this may be to believe, I’m not exactly boyfriend material. I’m still learning. That’s what relationships are I guess, we learn new things about each other every day. This never stops. What I will never understand though is the concept of ‘friends with benefits’. What benefits are their friends providing? Health insurance???
ED Times: Hahaha, I am just going to leave that for your friends to explain.
Sheldon: Oh okay, anyway the main point is people need to be more invested in their partner’s life, in their line of work. The thought of one being superior or inferior should never occur between them.
And speaking from personal experience, it’s sometimes better to keep all the disinterest and snide comments to oneself. I was never the person I am today!. Never thought I would be a husband. But I’m glad that I changed for good. (smiles)
ED Times: You both are a great couple!!
Sheldon: We do keep each other on our toes!
ED Times: No wonder you are still so fit, mind shedding light on this…
Sheldon: Aaah it’s nothing much, just skip out on coffee, cause I promised my mother I would never do drugs. (laughs) And it’s mostly Penny trying to keep me fit but failing at it miserably. I don’t drive, so I walk to places, keeping me fit.
I keep people and things around me pretty clean, so I don’t fall sick a lot. But when I do, “soft kitty warm kitty” is the only cure.
ED Times (laughs): it’s the best!!!
ED Times: So, with that, we come to an end. It was lovely having you over and getting to know a little about your wonderful life.
Sheldon: It was nice meeting you too. Live long and prosper. Goodbye!
ED Times: uhh, goodbye.
ED Times: It was surely fun getting to know a little bit of Sheldon Cooper. Have a great day everyone. Stay tuned for more Fake Friendly Fridays, only on ED Times.
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This post is tagged under: Life lessons, Sheldon Cooper, achievements, friends, support, research, theoretical physics, schedule, lifestyle, human emotions, smartest person, conversations, sarcasm, sexual innuendos, humanity, relationship, advice, Nobel prize, friends with benefits, fitness, health, romance