By Mansi Rawat
600 kilometres away from my hometown as I write this I am reminded of days when cribbing about my “independence” was the norm. Today I pen down this very personal take on what it actually means to be feeling free and moving out!
Two years ago I fondly remember myself as the kid wanting to break the shackles and move out from my city (read: parents, late night restrictions) chasing my dreams and making it big in this world.
But little did I realise that gorging upon my family’s finance I was a fish in the calm waters and moving out came with a price to pay for.
Envy the shackles
As a young school kid living with my parents, it all seemed very worthless and made no sense to me, dreams of liberation would often strike me leaving me to wonder what puny piece of the world am I living in?
You know what, the problem is the way we romanticise liberty and on the very first go forget to define it for ourselves and realise it’s very subjective. My household was a typical nuclear family of 4 in a small buzzing city and my circle of friends was also quite restricted.
With several rules about my day spends and night outs, back then my parents seemed to always be enemies of my liberty and freedom. I would envy the big people taking decisions for themselves and having all the fun.
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A new neighbourhood
Cut to my present situation and it all is quite out of control. Moving to Delhi for my higher studies was one big decision I made and my parents also agreed. The fish was moving out in the deep ocean for the first time.
I was excited about my college but more about living alone and living all on my own terms, exploring people and places. But what came with it makes me still wonder was it even worth it? Feeling out of place in a new city was my first setback and then all the blows started coming one by one.
My dream world of freedom slowly came crashing down and I felt helpless; this time all alone. My first month at college was horrible; amidst the swarm of overachievers, I was this little person who seemed to question her self-worth almost every day.
Fitting in with new people and the food was another horrifying experience. I began to realise I had to build a world all by myself and all for myself.
Gradually finding the right people quite helped me but month ends and laundry days were hardest and I still dread them. Club hopping, partying, meeting new people all this was fun for the first few weeks only to realise that it was all a farce.
Words of wisdom
If I could ever explain my younger self I would for sure tell her how tough this ride was going to be. Breaking the shell always seems very idealistic but those long nights of disappointments and loneliness are the longest ones before the dawn strikes.
Our notions of independence are so marred by a lot of factors and that’s the problem- looking out for independence. We always tend to forget that our cozy shells also offer us countless opportunities to feel liberated just that we wait for something big always.
As I prep for my hectic day tomorrow and pack all my sanity to take on the new challenges, the flight to home now seems even more liberating.
Image Credits: Google Images
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