“Opposites attract.”
We have heard of this term more often than not, and it has opened our minds to possibilities emerging out of the broadened horizons.
But a question worth asking, is “are opposites always attracted for the right reasons?”
The answer to this is no. At times, people as different from each other as fire and ice get attracted. And that too, for all the wrong reasons.
Understand The Two Terms
The first term we are to encounter herein is “Narcissist”. This is another word for “egoist”, or in Layman’s terms, people who thrive on the attention from others.
Narcissists are a certain set of people who have total disregard of another person’s needs, feelings, and only focus on their own.
On the other hand, we have “Empaths”. Empaths are those whose empathetic compass is always on and pointing towards others’ needs, feelings, wishes, thereby with a total disregard to their own.
The Toxic Attraction
From what was said above, you must have figured out already why narcissists would be attracted to empaths. When a relationship provides all that you’ve ever wanted for yourself, and there’s nothing you’re supposed to give back, what’s better than that?
The same goes for the latter. When you can give endlessly without getting anything back in return, what’s better than that too?
Narcissists pursue empaths for the same reason, while empaths happily become their targets. These selfless “emotional sponges” are ever ready to tune in to narcissists’ emotions and fulfill whatever is asked of them.
I’m So Sorry But It’s Fake Love
The love narcissists have for empaths stems from the potential they see in the latter for heeding to the former’s needs, attention-seeking quotient, and extra care plus devotion.
But the toxicity begins when empaths too get attracted to narcissists. The “false image” that narcissists flaunt around to prey on empaths becomes the latter’s undoing.
Narcissists are very manipulative and the self-image they portray consists of a giving, loving, and caring person. The irony is that they are as unempathetic as empaths are empathetic.
Furthermore, narcissists at first give off love but even that is conditional. If and when their wishes and needs stop getting fulfilled, their evil side gets unveiled.
They altogether stop being what they have been projecting of themselves and instead, become blatantly distant, cold, and withholding.
Read More: FlippED: Are Millennials More Narcissistic Than Previous Generations?
The Chase
The initial steps of the chase for a vulnerable empath constitute extra kindness and extra love from these narcissists. This mask begins to slip only after they’ve successfully maintained a stronghold over empaths and are sure they’re not going anywhere any soon.
Narcissists focus on the incentives and good the relationship will bring them and pay no heed to the potentially bad phases. Nor do they show any regard to the other person.
Their relationship consists of two people alright: them and their ego. Empaths are mere pawns, present at the former’s disposal. A relationship thrives when both are on an equal footing.
This proves to be taxing for narcissists because their power of empathizing is nil and they’ve always been full of contempt.
The Blame Game
What’s more is that although narcissists have so much work to do on themselves before getting in a relationship, they keep blaming the empaths whenever they come across the bitter truth that life isn’t fair and everyone’s not perfect.
We can understand though. Empaths must be perfect and have no flaw whatsoever. It’s only fair since narcissists are the most perfect people in the world. Aren’t they?
They certainly deserve the best partners. But since that is not the case. They at least deserve partners who take the blame quietly and understand the stress narcissists have to go through because their partners aren’t perfect.
And well, according to narcissists, empaths are to be blamed, and rightfully so, as they believe they can fix people and heal anything with compassion. Narcissists are not people one should fall for, and yet, empaths take it as a personal challenge.
Narcissists love drama and chaos which, despite being extremely taxing for empaths, becomes something that empaths go all in to fix. Empaths can’t believe that a person can not have empathy.
They think everything can be fixed with a little more love. And this forgiving – the forever giving heart receives the worse end of the stick because of it.
Intermittent hope became their undoing and their savior complex proves harmful.
The reinforcement mechanism gets incorporated by the narcissist in the cruelest ways possible.
They give out compliments to the empaths to fish out favorable reactions and behaviors.
And when things start going the other way round, their manipulative selves make empaths believe that it would have been okay had they listened to and followed what they were told.
One of the most common tactics followed by narcissists is pulling the empaths’ strings. Empathetic people will give in every single time a narcissist says “I want to change, I know I’m not perfect.”
Narcissists have these moments where they admit they have it wrong, but they never follow through with an apology or try to change their behaviors.
It’s the perfect setup for narcissists because they have now created a traumatic bond with the empaths and are leeching off their empathetic prowess and kind-hearted selves.
The Solution
The solution is never as easy as it sounds. But what needs to be done, needs to be done.
Empaths need to look out for red flags and understand that their growth matters as much as the other person’s. They need to be empathetic towards themselves now more than ever before.
They need to earn to say “no” and not exhaust themselves for the sake of the other person.
That being said, empaths are not incomplete or broken, nor are they needed to be fixed. They just need to accept that every person is not their responsibility. Empaths are not out there to heal the world. And some cases are simply irreparable.
After all, letting go is okay!
Image Source: Google Images
Sources: Medium, Psychology Today, Business Insider
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This post is tagged under: narcissists, narcissism, empaths, empathy, narcissism and empathy, narcissists and empaths, attraction, egoist, ego, alter ego, personality, attention seekers, attention seeking, feelings, sympathy, understanding, relationship, relations, toxic relationship, target, emotional targets, emotional sponges, selflessness, false image, false image portrayal, manipulation, manipulative, unempathic, unempathetic, empathic, empathetic, qualities of narcissists, qualities of empaths, vulnerability, vulnerable, red flags, red flags in a relationship, contempt, perfection, imperfection, healing, heal, love, care, devotion, compassion, drama, chaos, give and take, intermittent hope, savior complex, reinforcement, reinforcement mechanism, feedback, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, trauma, trauma bond, traumatic bond, personal growth, fixing others, why are narcissists and empaths attracted to each other, relationship between narcissists and empaths
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I love this. It was like an autobiography for my marriage and divorce. I’m hoping to bring more empathy to myself from now on. Thank you!