Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we invite the current entertainment source of the country for a no-holds-barred interview with ED. We make sure they remember this interview, even though they never gave it as this is purely an imaginative piece (Oh, how we wish this wasn’t!).
Now, it’s called “FAKE” FRIENDLY FRIDAYS, for a reason. ‘Cuz it’s FAKE. If you don’t like it or get offended by it, we…. really don’t care!
Well, there are only two types of people in India: 1. People who watch Big Boss and are crazy about it. 2. People who don’t watch Big Boss. There is NO third type.
This article is for each one of you, irrespective of the category you fall in. After all, the celeb (read: loon) that we are calling for today’s edition is well known to both the categories of people.
Known for his crocodile tears, overacting and some absolutely shameful activities that don’t even deserve a mention, in Big Boss this season, he is none other than the crazy, psycho and absolute lunatic: SWAMI OM.
*crowd boohs*
ED: Welcome to ED, Swami Om.
Swami Om: Mai aapka dhanyawaad krta hoon, ke aapne mujhe bulaya! I don’t know english very well, aapne mere bare mein kya kaha abhi? ED world’s greatest youth blog hai. Iske maadhyam se mai apni sachai logon ko dikhana chaahta hu.. *keeps on mumbling* *cries*
ED: Swami ji, we praised you in your introduction! Also, this interview is not being recorded. There are no cameras around, you can stop your overacting!
Swami Om: Oh. *calls assistant* *whispers* Eee to hammien camera par dikha hi nahi rehaein hain, interview toh camera par aana chahie. Hamare rone ka kya faeda..
ED: *interrupting* Swami ji, this will be uploaded on our blog.
Swami Om: Acha, toh ese btaie na. *giggling* Puchie kya puchna chahti hain?
ED: Swami Om, is it true that you were crazy for being on camera so much that you did absolutely gross things on the show?
Swami Om: Dekhiye. Mein world’s greatest hero ke lie greatest entertainer ban na chaahta tha. Me to acting kar raha tha. Acting!
ED: Oh, so putting your ancient brain to use to say cheap things about Mona, telling Bani that her mother should die, staring women at all the wrong places was acting?
Swami Om: Dekhiye, ek movie me hero hota hai toh villain bhi toh hota hai. Me greatest villain ban raha tha. Ab dekhna movies me bhi banunga! Acting tha sab.
ED: Oh, villain, right. So, sprinkling pee and blood on housemates was a part of your acting as well?
Swami Om: Jee, mujse krwaya gaya. Paani tha, mujhe kaha gya tha entertain krne ke lie. Aur khoon toh swach hota hai. Parmatama.. *keeps on mumbling*
ED: *interrupting* Oh, so you’re blaming the showmakers for it? Is that what you mean?
Swami Om: Jee haan, sab karwaya gaya. Me shama maangna chaahunga *cries* par ye hi sach hai. Me famous tha, toh target hua.
ED: Woah, Om. You’re more twisted than both Rakhi Sawant and KRK combined. Why were you thrown out of the house if you were the favourite of showmakers?
Swami Om: Ye sab saajish thi. Sab gharwalon ki. Big Boss ke log mujhe housemates se bacha rahe the, islie izzat se bahar nikal diya. Par wo mujhe phir bulaenge. Me jeetunga, andar ya bahar. Greatest winner banunga!
ED: Sure, in your dreams! Ahem, what about your relationship with Salman? We’ve heard you threatened him and talked shit about him on news channels and social media?
Swami Om: Mene unhe guru maana, par wo mujse jealous the shayad. Greatest hero meri popularity se darr gae. Shayad islie mujhe nikalwa dia. Unhe toh AIDS bhi hai wase, mein..
*Sallu bhai fans from audience attack*
“Areeee, bachaie mujhe. World’s greatest interviewer bachaiye…”
*thrown out of the studio by mob*
“Bachaiyye..aaaaa.”
*#$%$##*
ED: Ahem.. so that was self proclaimed “Swami” and a sure shot loon, Om for you!
Thank you for wasting our time, Swami ji. No wonder you were thrown out of the Big Boss house. We sign off from here and wish NOT to see more of you in future (or even Big Boss for that matter)!
Design Credits: Nadiminti Sarvani
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