Disclaimer: Originally published in October 2017. It is being republished since it still remains an interesting topic till today. 

Full disclosure. I’m a massive Shahrukh Khan fan. Like, not a kissing his poster after midnight fan but, he was and remains one public personality I have admired and respected since I was a kid. Self-built man, with an abundance of wit, charm, and charisma, I could probably listen to him speaking all day.

His acting and films well are another matter. I absolutely love some of his films. Kabhi Haan, Kabhi Na, Chak De India and Kal Ho Na Ho come to mind. Films like Happy New Year, Dilwale et al. however, are in the politest of terms, trash.

Then, there is the third kind of SRK film, the classic SRK romance, the genre Rajesh Khanna was famous for and the one SRK subsequently rejuvenated and became popular for. Shahrukh Khan was lauded for his performances, and so were his films. But, did he or the film deserve most of it?

Unpopular opinion here but, NO. So, here goes. My critical, over-analytical and almost pedantic review of the film that made GAP and Ralph Lauren clothing popular in India: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (I would have done DDLJ but, I can’t summon the strength to write about that mess).

Chalchitra Ka Saar

Where to begin? Simply put, the film traces the attempt of a precocious, cutesy, sweet (so sweet, she’s almost diabetic. Lol. Sorry) kid, Anjali trying to fulfill her dead mother’s wish to reunite her father, Rahul with his old college best friend/basketball chump/bro, Anjali.

Think about it for a second. This is a film about a woman, who from her grave wants her widower husband to hook up with his old best friend from college. Best Wife of the Year Award aside, how creepy is that? Why not slip it in your will or something?

I mean, how stupid is leaving letters for your young kid every year? Did you expect her to read and understand language from the moment she was out of the womb?

And there’s Salman Khan as well. Well-mannered, dignified, Aman, a man who actually loves Anjali. What happens to him? What happens to the actual good guy in the film?

He gets friend-zoned. On the day of his wedding. Shame. No wonder Salman became a bad boy and took to driving on the sidewalk. Oh, wait, sorry. That was the driver. My bad.

Read: I Can’t Stand ‘Mohabbatein’ One Bit: Hope It Shows In My Rants Here

Unrealistic AF

Where to begin? Let’s start with St. Xavier’s College. No, not the actual colleges in Bombay and Calcutta but, this very unrealistic, very unlikely college taken straight out of the High School Musical playbook.

And, Tina left Oxford University to complete her studies at Xavier’s?? LMFAO. Who would ever do that? Also, for a college principal of a supposedly great college, Anupam Kher sure is clueless about the fact that Oxford University isn’t in London but, is in Oxford.

Even the summer camp stretches plausibility. First off, we never actually see much of the summer wherever the camp is. Secondly, why aren’t there any adults there apart from Kajol and Johnny Lever?

Why is Farida Jalal even there? Can any random adult show up unceremoniously in a camp full of kids? That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. I mean, even Salman shows up and stays a few days (at least he got a single tent to stay in. Least Kajol could do considering ….)

If Kajol is going to the camp to teach the kids singing and dancing, why don’t we ever see her do any of that?

Finally, and this is nitpicking but, how terrible was that shooting star CGI?

Rahul Is a Douche

There’s no way around it. He’s a douche and an ass. And, I’m being polite here.

He was a terrible parent. I mean, what kind of parent leaves their kid waiting in the city of Bombay for two hours, alone? He even taught his kid the word ‘sexy.’ I’m not an expert on good parenting but, maybe delete your browsing history next time, Rahul?

He was a terrible friend as well. Sure, maybe living unaware of your best friend’s love for you is understandable and plausible but, to laugh at her and make fun of her so publicly? Tsk tsk.

He isn’t even very funny or as charming as he thinks he is. Rahul, simply put, was the PG-13 version of Barney Stinson with none of that quick wit and charm. Wonder what women saw in him. Even Shahrukh Khan can’t save him.

Finally, he’s a terrible basketball player too. Not only does he lose, every single time, to Anjali but, his layup and dribbling are awful as well. The only time he does beat Anjali is when he tugs Anjali’s saree. In front of a crowd of kids. Geez. That’s Section 354 of the Indian Penal Code right there.

A few random observations (no paragraphs because Editor says word limits),

– I honestly can’t see the difference between Shahrukh Khan’s performances in DDLJ, K3G and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Same lip quivering, same stuttering speech and the same glycerin (because, more glycerin, more tears and more emotion)

– So, Rahul didn’t love Anjali when she had short hair, played basketball and wore sportswear. But, he did when she changed into a saree, grew out her hair and became a conformist, sanskaari bharatiya naari? Ohkay.

– Anjali, the kid, is annoying AF.

– So, Rahul hijacked Aman’s bride, his wedding, and their wedding venue? Damn. Rahul is a bad bro too.

In all honesty, it’s not as bad as I make it seem to be. It does have production value. Unrealistic but, good production value. And, the music is decent. But, that’s just about it. It’s still a bad film. An expensive looking, bad film. It’s not even funny in the unintentional kind of way a film like Deshdrohi or even Mohabbatein is.

Watch it if you must. Watch how ridiculous Bollywood romances were and still are. Watch how a film defiles the good name and sport of basketball. Above all, wonder how Shahrukh Khan, King Khan can command so much admiration and respect, despite this travesty. That’s how good the man is.

Image Sources: Google Images

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