I was in a relationship up until a few months ago. This was my first relation 4 years after my first break up. I have moved on, and so has the world.
What I don’t understand is the fact that ever since then my friends have tried to set me up on dates because apparently, I need to get a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
I don’t understand the must-have a date need. I have dated twice my whole life. I am 20 now, which means I have spent more than 80% of my adolescent life as a single person.
For me, that is perfectly comfortable because dating has never been one of my major concerns, and it shouldn’t be too for many other people who date out of sheer peer pressure and not out of the innate desire to.
I am not against the whole idea of dating, but what bugs me is the fact that people sometimes date because they don’t feel okay being single or alone. They date so that they are not judged.
Honestly, that just demeans the whole idea of dating and liking/ loving someone. I mean where are the whole violins playing, meet-cutes, etc, which used to be the whole charm of dating?
Embracing The Concept Of Being Alone
It is okay to have a fear of being alone. That is totally natural, but that doesn’t mean you will push yourself into unnecessary relationships to feel better.
That is like torturing yourself by watching the same kind of horrible series on repeat!
I have heard a lot about the idea of finding a backup before breaking up so that you can jump into a new relationship without having the hassle to find someone new and start over again.
I could have never done that. Maintaining a relationship requires a lot of effort and simultaneously maintaining a back up is another feat in its self.
I am not preaching, but I have realised over the years that we are the only permanent thing in our lives, the only element that will be there till our last breath. At one point everyone leaves.
Our friends from school, colleges, tuitions, etc, we end up losing touch. Nowadays, we all have more hectic lives and even though we all are connected through social media, we end up drifting apart.
There is nothing surprising here and it is no one’s fault.
That is what we have to learn. Our anxiety, our depression, some parts of it stem from our constant obsession of being with someone and depending on them. We need to realize we are complete wholes and not someone’s halves.
We have a hard life as it is. As the tension of getting a good job, affording decent settlements, etc is not enough.
We tend to become the hardest towards ourselves. These days artists, social workers, public icons, etc, all talk about the importance of self-love, and for all the right reasons too.
Instead of panicking how to get someone to go visit a café or bookshop, we all should just doll up and take ourselves out for a little date. That is the least we deserve.
Sometimes we can go for some shopping and coffee. The weather is nice? Take out your cycle (not car, be healthy and environment-friendly) and go for a ride.
Don’t wanna go out? Get comfy in your PJs and watch a movie or Netflix and chill with a pizza and your own company.
The day you start accepting your single life and embrace being alone, you will find how amazing and less toxic the world is.
This summer, I explored a lot of cafè and places by myself. I enjoyed it more than I ever could.
Doing this won’t make you an introvert, it will just introduce you to the person you were meant to be with, and that is a very satisfying feeling.
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Find Author @CherryJimin17