Recently I came across this viral video of a child being reprimanded and scolded or rather harassed to the point of it being called torture. The child in the video is learning basic numbers or 1,2,3’s and the woman, it is unclear whether it is her teacher or mother, keep forcing her to do it again and again and again. Eventually, the kid gets so harried by all the pushing that she starts to cry in frustration all while begging for a few minutes of rest and that the woman teach with a bit more love. ‘Pyaar se padhao’ is a line that can be heard in the video.
The video has gone viral and many people have commented on the abusive parenting that this video shows. But to me this video has shed light on various things that our parents do, thinking it’s okay, but in fact, they create a deep and negative psychological impact on us for life.
While this video was an extreme version of child abuse, there are many things our parents do especially to children under the age of 10 that are brushed away as nothing but are actually something.
Here are some of them that I wanted to point out: 1. Never Explaining Your Reasons:
1. Never explaining your reasons:
A lot of parents do this, where when scolding their kid or refusing to let them do something say ‘because I am your parent’ or ‘don’t ask questions, just do’.
This defensive nature of parents when their authority is questioned is extremely wrong and creates a deep psychological effect on the kid.
Telling your kid the reason behind your actions will not lower your position in your child’s eye, instead, it will create an equal relationship and the child might respect you for telling them so.
2. Beating being considered okay:
There have been numerous studies and research done by now to show that beating is absolutely not okay when it comes to raising a child.
In the above-mentioned video alone, even if not authentic, it still proves that teaching your child a simple subject with the looming threat of a beating will not result in anything.
In the Indian culture, beating your child is still considered okay and even encouraged in some families.
Beating your child can create deep self-esteem and confidence issues not to say their fear level will always be high as they will be scared of making even the tiniest of mistakes.
3. Gender differences being enforced:
These days a new term of gender neutral is gaining popularity especially when it comes to raising your kids.
More and more parents are accepting the fact that enforcing gender differences from childhood itself are harmful to the psychology of the child and restrict them to their limited gender roles.
Instead of giving a Barbie to the girl and a toy soldier to the boy, not just parents but visit relatives and more should also keep in mind to given gender neutral gifts.
Doing so allows for an equal sense of gender and does not make either of the gender ashamed of acting differently. So if a boy likes to dance or play with dolls, it should not be made a big deal or that boy should not be called a girl. Same with a girl who wants to learn to fight should be encouraged to do so.
4. Favouritism over the neighbourhood child:
A pretty popularly known and accepted way of bad parenting is when parents incessantly compare their child to that of their neighbours or relatives.
Although it has been made into a funny meme and is often brought up in jokes, but while creating a sense of competition is well and good, but going overboard with it can create deep self-confidence issues with the child. It can also lead them to believe that they will never amount to anything and could make them give up on things and goals.
5. Flaunting child’s mistake to relatives or friends:
Perhaps one of the most commonly done thing and yet it can be the most dangerous. Shame of having their secrets or mistakes being flaunted in front of people the child knows and will meet can create deep impact on the child’s mental state.
These were just a few of things that Indian parents do and unfortunately is accepted by the society when in reality the harm that these small things cause is deeper than most can imagine.
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