What If Chandler Bing Was Siri? : QuoraED

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Mr. Chandler Bing, the mother-father-everything of sarcasm!
Mr. Chandler Bing, the mother-father-everything of sarcasm!

“Chandler Bing” a.k.a Mathew Perry’s character in FRIENDS is considered to be the GOD of sarcasm. It is because of Mr. Bing that we know what exactly is sarcasm!

Now, I think everyone is aware of the Apple app Siri. What’d happen if we combine the top notch Bing sarcasm with Siri’s style of replying?

We found a perfect Quora thread for it wherein two super Quorans have tried to bring out Chandler’s sarcasm via Siri’s question-answer style. Here, read on:

1. Make dinner reservations for two at Gourmet Italia at 09:00 pm?

Dinner reservations made for two at Gourmet Italia at 09:00 pm. It’s actually right opposite to the Coliseum. Do you want me to book the tickets to Rome too now?

2. How many calories are there in rice?

A lot.

3. What is 25% tip on $180?

25% tip? Really? I’m poor and broke and desperate for money.

4. What airplanes are flying over me right now?

Don’t know about the ones flying over you but the one headed towards you right now looks pretty close.

5. Which movie should I go out to watch?

Die Hard. You always watch Die Hard.

6. What is the latest cricket score?

I’m American. We don’t understand cricket.

7. Call my mom?

“Mooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm”, eh! looks like she didn’t hear me.

8. Will it rain tomorrow?

Hey! I am Siri. That is a question you ask Google.

9. Remind me to study at 08:00 am?

If you need reminders to study, you better drop out now. No good can come out of your life. You are pathetic and hopeless and will die as an addict junkie.

10. I’m drunk!

The keys to your car can be found near the vase on the table to your right.

11. Does she like me?

Could you be anymore ugly?

12. Who let the dog out?

Who? Who? Who? Who?

13. How’s the stock market doing?

Tanking. Diving. In a free fall, are the terms I can come up with from the top of my head.

14. Set a countdown for ten minutes?

When you return from the moon. Please bring me a cheesecake?

15. When is my wife’s birthday?

Yesterday. And I am not even kidding.

16. My belly is getting bigger and bigger?

It’s not who you are underneath but what you eat that defines you.

17. How do I convert USD to Euro?

Grab all your cash and route it through a Mexican drug cartel to the Cayman Islands. Then contact Mossack Fonseca in Panama and have them direct it to Switzerland via Mauritius and Gibraltar. Then go to Switzerland and ask them for it. You can get it in Euro. For more info you can call 1–800-HOTLINE BING.


1. What appointments do I have tonight?

A road trip to the White House in your brand new Porsche to meet the President, followed by a candle light dinner with Angelina Jolie. These are your appointments for tonight’s dreams.

2. Where am I?

You are in the midst of a lonely and pathetic life.

3. Am I handsome?

Do you really want me to answer that?

4. Guess what?

Starts with a W, ends with a T, and has a H and A in between?

5. I think I look lovely today. What do you think?

I thought I was the one to make the jokes.

Bing 2

 6. Open the front camera.

 You do know that it’ll show your face right? Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

 7. When is Halloween?

Being with you, I’d probably say everyday.

 8. Set an alarm for 11 a.m.

 Can you be any lazier?

9. What are the specs of the latest iPhone?

 Does it matter when you’re going to use it just for games?

10. What time is it?

 It’s high time you buy a watch.

 11. What is the best website to check the latest football scores?

 www.why-dont-you-google-it.com

12. Can I make it to the airport in 10 minutes?

Sure you can. Just wait for 9 minutes for a particle accelerator explosion to turn you into the Flash and then run to the airport in one minute.


You’d also like to read: QuoraED: What Would The Eleventh Season Of FRIENDS Be Like?

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