For those who are not acquainted with the concept, the idea of ‘living apart together’ (LAT) isn’t new. It dates back to 1840s, however it would be called an unusual relation back then which we have named LAT now.
What is LAT?
Living apart together means being in a committed relationship but living at two different places, with or without marriage or; with or without kids.
The concept of ‘living apart together’ is garnering recognition and acceptance all over the world. In Britain, 10% of couples identify themselves as LAT couples. The numbers have gone higher in many places including the U.S.A, Australia, and Canada etc.
LAT is no different from any other relationship when it comes to rules in a relationship about commitment, fidelity etc and is therefore seemingly gaining popularity because it gives two people the freedom, choice of preference or simply a chance to save the marriage from falling apart due to failing in co-habiting together.
‘Living apart together’ however still largely remains a western concept with not many couples here in Asia practicing the idea of walking marriages.
In India, the only example of a famous couple that can be given is perhaps Arundhati Roy (acclaimed writer) and husband Pradip Krishen with separate homes in New Delhi.
The Pros and Cons of ‘Living Apart Together’
One should really not try to break down the concept of LAT into pros and cons because mainly it is only a matter of choice. If really required in a relationship, the step must be taken nevertheless.
Those who will need it will like it, those who probably don’t will feel at the first days of living apart that it is not for them.
After all, when you start dating the next big move in your relationship is ‘when shall we move-in’. So moving in together if altogether is avoided, how will the relationship seem?
Some benefits of LAT are that it gives the marriage or the relationship a second chance. There are couples who fail miserably not at loving each other but at residing in the same place. Maybe it is us who have overrated co-habitation in a relationship. It is possible that it is not a requirement in a relationship after all.
However ‘living apart together’ may also prove fatal to your relationship by making you realize that things probably won’t work out. Still, it is better to move away from a relationship that is not worth being in even if it has to be this way.
The myths around LAT
People are worried about the failing romance in the marriage due to living separately, but that is debatable too. Unlike long-distance relationships, the couples are not really far away from each other mostly residing some blocks away, in the same locality or maybe beside each other and some couples even turn the same apartment into two.
As for intimacy is considered due to not being together all the time, a survey of over 2,500 couples conducted by Dietrich Klusmann at the University of Hamburg had shown that lust between a man and a woman is almost equal at first but soon after it starts dying in women. However, women who don’t really live with their partners retain the desire more intensely as compared to women who are not in LAT relationships.
Those who do not support LAT also assume that the couple are rich enough to afford two complete lifestyles. However, that doesn’t mean the need or requirement in an average income household will die out. Money does play a huge role in deciding to live separately especially when you are with kids but couples will find a way out.
The documentary on the life of a New York couple, ‘Two’s a Crowd’ depicts the struggle of a couple that was forced to leave a LAT relationship due to the economic downturn. They are then shown in the film to have turned a single apartment into two, portraying how the requirement won’t die out owing to poor financial circumstances.
SO ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY LAT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
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