A Parent-child bond is universally a forever kind of thing. No matter what relationship one shares with their parents, an attachment of sorts, perennially persists.
Indian parents, on the other hand, are a different ball game, altogether.
It is important for parents to form a balance between their attachment to their children and the idea of letting them be independent.
However, why is it that Indian parents have so much trouble letting go of their kids? At what point does attachment become restrictive?
I’m a single child. My parents have always been very protective of me and are still in denial of the fact that I’m a 20-year-old who can be independent, much like most Indian parents.
So, I asked a few parents and children the same question and the results were interesting and somewhat had a thread of commonalities.
These were the observations that came about:
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
This is perhaps common for all parents. Almost all the people I spoke to, parents and children included, talked about the empty nest syndrome. This is essentially a feeling of sadness and grief after a child leaves their parents’ home and goes away for any reason. A feeling of emptiness that emerges from not having their child around, perhaps forms one of the reasons for such feelings to occur.
Majority of the parents felt that safety issues are at the root of not being able to let go of their children. They feel that their child(ren) will endanger themselves, unknowingly as the world is a scary, unsafe place to be in.
This perhaps is a no-brainer. The children felt that they’ve been protected and mollycoddled for so long, that their parents are unwilling to accept the fact that they can be independent. An inherent need to protect, no matter what the age of the child, is rooted in parental psychology.
THE IDEA OF A CLOSE KNIT FAMILY
Indian families are inherently cohesive and codependent. Childhood conditioning on the importance of intimacy among families has perhaps led to the idea that Indian families always need to be close-knit.
In their defence, they mostly have been. They are entwined in a web of possessiveness, protectiveness, and proximity.
PARENTAL FEAR OF MISSING OUT
Most Indian parents have a fear of missing out when it comes to their children. They have an incessant need to be involved in every aspect of their children’s lives.
I honestly don’t blame them, since they are parents who have given these children life. What they fail to understand is that there will be times when children will have their own experiences and parents will not always be there to share it with them.
NOTION OF THE ‘BIG BAD WORLD’
This, much like all the other notions, also stems from this inherent need to protect. Indian parents feel like their children aren’t ready to face the harshness of the world, no matter how old they get.
I understand where this comes from. However, they need to learn to have faith in their children and have faith in the world as it is not all bad out there.
Most Indian parents live in denial. In denial of the fact that their children have grown up, have their own opinions, have their own needs and ideas. They cannot assimilate the fact that their “little bachcha” is not little anymore.
While all these ideas seem easy and linear on the face of it, there are complexities and emotions binding them. Without a doubt, its a clear case of easier said than done.
It is also not a one-way street. Children reciprocate similar feelings of not being able to detach as well.
However, Indian parents need to accept the fact that it is important to let their children be. They have brought them up, have taught them everything they know and hence have to show faith in them.
Detaching from one’s children, doesn’t mean losing them forever. It only makes them need their parents more. No matter how far their kids go, they will always come back.
Image Source: Google Images
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