By Kritika Malik
This is a definitive guide on how to get cat-called for amateurs.
Ever feel like boasting your self esteem by bringing yourself down, do you miss being complimented in the most brash manner? This is the guide for you.
Difficulty level : Insanely Easy
I am a normal Delhi girl with a normal Delhi life. Like everyday I walked out of my house to go my college, I sat on my scooty and rode for 3 minutes before I was followed by a bike with 3 young gentlemen throwing beautiful compliments my way.
You know, the same old. I felt so appreciated on being cat-called, finally the wing on my eyeliner that I spent 10 minutes applying had come to some good use. Who doesn’t like compliments, anyway? Let’s begin with the tutorial.
Where :
Anywhere. That’s right. You leave your house, take a left or a right or go straight. That park? Yes, right next to it. That deserted street? Duh! That busy main road? Why not? That jammed packed market? Metro? Bus? IT’S HAPPENING EVERY WHERE, GIRL.
Just get out of the house, it’s that easy.
Being cat-called in any metro city is as easy as breathing.
Who to go with? :
A guy, definitely. If you can roam around with this guy, it’s fairly obvious that you would go out with every other guy as well, right? So, he’ll definitely ask you to out “9 se 12” with him when you’re out with your guy friends.
Don’t have a guy friend? It’s okay.
Take along your girl pals, they can definitely compliment two or more women at a time. The more the merrier, are you with me on this?
Got no company? Perfect, how can a gentleman let you be bored and lonesome, he’ll definitely ask you if you need a lift. And keep asking even if you say no. It’s that easy. You go, girl!
What to wear? :
Wear short clothes, duh? Remember the golden rule given by Shri Shri Honey Singh – “I swear choti dress me bomb lagdi mainu.”
And you know how jeans make you westernized and come on, who wouldn’t harass you if you follow western culture?
But, hold up, patiala suit is pretty hot too. So, be a “proper patola” and they’ll always tell you that you look like one.
Schedule :
Anyday.
But Sunday is my personal favorite because these useless scum of humankind are even more useless on weekends.
Time and Working Hours :
Anytime.
Cat-calling is a 24 hour service but for faster delivery please leave your house in the evening hours, even better if the sun has already set.
What to do about it? :
Just be yourself and I am not saying this in a figurative manner. Literally, just be yourself, do whatever. Even if you’re adjusting your dupatta on your head that covers half your face, even if you wear your burkha and walk without giving a damn. Did someone tell you that calling them bhaiya helps avoid being harassed, they were lying. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that will stop them from harassing you. It’s that easy, you don’t even have to try.
What not to do :
Be bold, slap them hard, face them, insult them, complain about them, call the police.
See, these scumbags are basically cowards who have zero idea about how to face women who stand up for themselves. So if you really want this to work, please don’t be a strong woman. That’s about it.
All said and done, ladies, it’s high time we fight against these bullies. Only we can save ourselves, we have waited enough, ignored enough. Now it’s time to raise our voices and show these things douchebags their place.
Let’s not change our way in general and our way of life because some random guy who sits at the nook never fails to whistle. It’s time to stand up for ourselves.
You’d Also Like To Read : Surrogacy In India Has Turned Into An Ugly Business & We Need To Talk About It
