Being overly nice to avoid awkward interactions is not really a new phenomenon. People often use this tactic to avoid appearing rude or blunt, characteristics that are usually seen negatively. We do this often with not just those close to us, like family, friends, but even random acquaintances. People at work also take this route many times.
Usually, people tend to get overly polite and nice in a workplace, not just to avoid awkwardness but also because they are colleagues, they will probably encounter each other again, might have to work in the future, or just to keep a cordial relationship.
However, a psychologist has now suggested that it might have the opposite effect and could even make a person look “distrustful.”
Don’t Be Polite In The Workplace?
In an interview with CNBC Make It, Tessa West, a social psychologist and New York University professor, discussed social discomfort in the workplace.
She said, “Almost everyone will at some point find themselves in an interaction that makes them feel uncomfortable. And at work, these situations come up daily. We give and take feedback, manage team dynamics, and navigate status differences.”
She then mentioned that usually people “take a simple approach to quelling the discomfort: We smile as hard as we can, laugh (even when nothing is funny), and bend over backwards to convince people: There’s nothing to worry about here. This interaction will be a positive one. I am nice.”
But here, she talked about how this very niceness could be detrimental to one’s reputation.
West said, “Humans are good at picking up on emotions, which leak out through our nonverbal behaviors, like tone of voice. We think we’re doing a good job of masking anxiety by layering on the compliments, but when those compliments are delivered through artificial smiles, no one is buying it.”
She also pointed out that “overly positive feedback” could come across as you not paying attention, stating “you probably aren’t, if you’re too busy trying to regulate yourself. Over time, the person on the receiving end becomes distrustful of you. They need specific information that would actually help them improve their work.”
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This does not mean that one has to be overly honest to the point of it being rude or insensitive to the other person. But just avoid falling into the trap of being too overly nice where it just looks insincere.
This could then make others question your credibility or word in the future and wonder how authentic you are.
This is not the first time that being overly nice in a workplace has been advised against. In a 2024 piece for The Independent, wellness expert Nicola Elliott talked about how “anxious-but-nice feedback” was becoming common.
She mentioned that “body language will give you away, and your over-niceness will too. Once these responses are picked up, the situation will become even more stressful, damaging your relationship with people more than you realise and harming reputations on both sides.”
She suggested that in a scenario where someone has asked for feedback, a preferable question to ask would be “Can I give you specific feedback on a couple of dimensions?”
Elliot also reiterated the need to be specific when giving feedback instead of saying something vague. She also suggests indulging in “replacement behaviours” where you “replace your negative with a positive specific instead.”
Image Credits: Google Images
Sources: CNBC, News18, Moneycontrol
Find the blogger: @chirali_08
This post is tagged under: Work, Work behaviour, toxic positivity, positivity, positivity in workplace, nice, niceties in workplace, overly nice
Disclaimer: We do not hold any right, or copyright over any of the images used; these have been taken from Google. In case of credits or removal, the owner may kindly mail us.
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