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Can We Please Stop Going In Self Pity-Self Victimisation Mode Over Everything That Happens To Us In Life?


Why is everybody in a constant competition to show themselves more miserable than the others?

I have come across a disturbingly large number of people who are in a relentless pursuance of problems and worries in their life. They have conveniently convinced themselves that they are seeking happiness but are secretly gluttonous for even the smallest share of pain they can find.

Why is it so hard to admit that you really like your job, or you genuinely enjoyed the party, or you are not lonely whatsoever, or your partner is lovable, or reading that book is the best feeling ever?

When I ask people how they are doing, “Fine”, “Okay”, “Good” are the slight variations in answers that I receive, completely devoid of zeal.

Why the glorification of being lonely and peerless? Why is everybody romanticizing lack of love and heart break? Why are we constantly in the self pity- self victimisation mode?



You know a day out would fix you, or that pizza is all you need to get over it or that song will make you feel right but you dismiss it all and pity party. And a part of such a thought process is owing to the philosophy that we are all special, unique snowflakes in this life and the self-loath and pitying serve us this special feeling on a silver platter.

Why does talking to a friend who is happy and content leave you emotionally distraught? Why do you feel like crap every time that friend or ex appears enjoying and engaged on Facebook and Instagram? Because that’s the version of them you’ve construed in your mind. You are drunk on the idea that life is unfair to you. Everybody has done wrong to you is the soft pillow you sweetly slumber on.

I fail to understand how pleasure can be derived from such odd emotions and actions. How wallowing in self-pity and inferiority can be a source of gratification when the world has mistreated you and all you deserve is self-love and praise?

It’s been ages since I heard someone genuinely in love with their life. Is it treated as conceit when you love your life or yourself? Or is the culture responsible for ingraining this masochist in you? Or is the pitiful state you portray yourself in going to fodder any genuine attention your way when people are so busy fitting the pieces in their life?

Does anybody even care if you skipped a meal or had a sleepless night? Except for the lover who is deeply and madly in love with you because it’s just been 6 months and that kind of care is somewhat mechanical.

Let me break it you, the reality is entirely antithetical to your perception of it. You’ve been viewing the universe in disorder. What makes you think that another human being is under ANY obligation to make you feel healthy, strong and loved?

If you thought, you were going to be loved, pampered and cared for and asked out day by day by everybody then your standards of expectations have been skewed and irrational.


Well, this may come as a painful smack of reality but I have it figured out. Misery is much easier to feel and keep than happiness. Pitying yourself comes effortlessly while overcoming the challenges will demand effort and optimism. Also, it helps to justify your inaction and enjoy your life in the autopilot when happiness would put you back in the driver’s seat, and ask to take charge of your life.


Sadly, another yet disturbingly large number of people reading this will brush off what I just wrote and continue to sulk under the blanket of self-pity. They’ll tell themselves that they’re different, that no one understands what they’re going through, that they have it worse than others.


Sure, life has been rude, people have shaken your faith more than once, left you void and provoked you to settle with sorrow but when in contact with these darkest of feelings, you have to make a choice to either succumb to them or rise above. Falling for the masochistic behavior is mediocre and YOU are not mediocre. Pain-stricken, uneventful, busting at the seams living is NOT what you deserve. You’d rather have freckles and a crooked smile, a poor academic result, a dusky complexion or a solitary existence than letting other people and circumstances control you.

What hells must you endure to learn that even if your significant other cheated on you, or your friends betrayed you or you lost a job or failed an exam or two, it is not the end of life?

I absolutely acknowledge when circumstances have really been too hard on you when there’s no option but feel like this, leaving your mind imprisoned in the vicious cycle but in other trivial times dwelling in masochism may be toxic.


There is a pressing need to resist the temptation of settling for the pattern of pain. Stop viewing loneliness and sorrow as an issue. Seize it like an opportunity and explore yourself. You have to curate your own remedy.


Take a hot water bath. Stroll at 5 a.m in the morning. Listen to music at the volume that pleases you. Learn to cook and cook for yourself. Paint. Write. Go shop and treat yourself with that favorite pizza. Exercise and get in shape. Meditate. Treat your body right. Do charity. Build a self-esteem, learn self-confidence. Stop acting paralyzed. Yes, I may be just reiterating Elizabeth Gilbert or who knows this post triggers an epiphany but whatever it takes, take an action every time your mind takes an emotional detour.

The world needs happy people, deliriously happy. And you ARE a special unique snowflake who will change the world.

Image Credits: Google

Featured Image: Berlin Artparasites

Anshika Sabhani
For me, passion colours everything.


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