Tuesday, January 18, 2022
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People Who Should Be Sent On A One-Way Trip To Mars


We are all aware that a one-way trip is going to Mars in the year 2026, for which 3 Indians have been chosen.

Let us for a second consider that if the selection process wasn’t so rigorous but in the hands of ordinary people like you and me, what would we do?

Lot of revenge and malice would go into the thought of putting those people on that spacecraft. Paraphernalia of entities would be chosen to be sent away so that the Earth could be a better place to live in and for the betterment of mankind.


Here’s a list of those who would top the polls:

  • Miley Cyrus: From the Hannah Montana rockstar to the hipster who swears by pepperoni pizza, weed, avocadoes and what not, pasties and new pets are Miley’s best friends. She is an ardent devotee of twerking and believes that her tongue should always be on display. Her new album, ‘Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Petz’, shows that she has completely lost it and should be given a ticket for a one-way trip to Mars.


  • Kim Un-Jong: We knew he would make it to the list. Be it his Fred Flintstone haircut or his image of being a buffoon, Kim the Third should be loaded off in that rocket and sent straight to Mars. United Nations wants the leadership of North Korea (read: the buffoon) put to trial at International Court of Justice for human rights violation. He is said to have his former girlfriends executed and his relatives live fed to merciless canines. That is why we are scared to offer him our suggestion of bundling off to Mars.


  • KRK: This man leaves me speechless, he is so ‘handsome’ after all. He is so loved that his ‘fans’ constantly overdose on his ‘kisses’ and his haters get his ‘kicks’. He is one funny man who speaks his mind. I don’t mind him for speaking his mind but whatever he speaks is so shit that my ears want to fall off. No kidding! Engaging in attention-seeking war of words over Twitter with celebrities or taking jibe at our dear Prime Minister, KRK has shown that he is not a 2Rupee person.


  • Tablets: Well, this would be too much to take to Mars but, the space constraints on Earth shall force us to send them away. Tablets could be the most useless invention in the history of technology. A compromise between a cell phone and a desktop, this mediocre device has no function. And who wants that elephant of a screen clinging to your face as you indulge in a telephonic conversation. Not me or you. So, bye bye tablets.


  • Dora the Explorer: Dora is outright stupid. I can easily see the fox which she spots in a million seconds. The song she sings is hated by me from the bottom of my heart but I sing it anyway, because it’s so catchy. This show isn’t for pre-schoolers, this is for people in comas. Point to remember: She is a five-year old travelling the world with a monkey. Though we can’t exactly send Dora to Mars, we could punish the people whom we send by showing them the show on repeat.


  • Leonardo Dicaprio’s to-be-Oscar trophy: Leonardo is a legend and his professional skills are the class. He has been acting professionally since the age of 5 and has had 4 Oscar nominations so far but the Oscars have snubbed him every time. Fans cry foul as his every role is worth that Oscar statuettes but unfortunately, that sad dude (read Oscar trophy) doesn’t want to come to the luminary so we are sending it off to Mars.


  • People who disrespect public property: This would segregate the entire world into two kinds, with the greater proportion packing their bags for Mars. This would include people who spit on roads, urinate in public or make their temporary love permanent on historical monuments. You deserve to go and start a new world on Mars from scratch. Spit. Pee. Scribble. Murder. Rampage. That will be your world. People of the same kind. Make it just as you please. Start getting in that spacecraft already because the queue is too long, man.


This is my list of people who should be sent away on a one-way trip to Mars because who needs them anyway? We can do much better without them while they have the time of their lives on Mars. But hey, I hope they remember they will need oxygen cylinders too.


Image source: Google Images


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