Delhi has finally become the crime capital of Delhi! This is a fact that we didn’t accept even after the Nirbhya Rape Case, or the hundreds of other murders, rapes, thefts, and robberies that take place, but we will have to now. A heinous crime of huge proportions has taken place.
Our CM’s car was stolen (cue dramatic music).
Yes, that’s right. The iconic blue WagonR which frankly was a better symbol for the Aam Aadmi Party was stolen from outside of the Delhi Secretariat today, right outside where he works. According to TOI, the time of theft is 1 AM (hard worker, this one).
The so-called AAPmobile, the legendary car which broke the internet with a ton of memes being made on it and being shared, was not just any car. It was the symbol of the USP of the Kejriwal Government, the ‘common man’ nature of the AAP, because what screams more “common man” than a cheap mass produced car with the tackiest colour possible. It stood for rejection of the VIP culture of traveling in elaborate motorcades of expensive cars.
The AAPmobile was also the storehouse of Kejriwal’s muffler collection since it was not allowed in the house because it was so atrocious (somebody wants him to have the flu).
Now that it has been stolen, will we see an all-new muffler collection from our dear CM? Or maybe no mufflers at all, turtlenecks maybe? We’ll find out.
There was no comment from the AAP government and the police have been less than forthcoming but I have a few ideas about who stole this poor man’s batman’s transport of choice.
- Narendra Modi, Prime Minister of India
According to our dear CM, there is #ModiJiKaHath in everything, from Delhi politics, to scams, to metros, to Ola charging you a cancellation fee even though the driver is far away, to why Apple removed the headphone jack to why 1 two ka 4 but 4 two ka 1 hota hai (cue my name is Lakhan).
The point is that the CM is constantly blaming the PM for all kinds of stuff, and the PM might be so irritated by this jhadu wielding newbie that he decided to teach him a lesson by taking away his mode of transport.
Now he will have to take the metro and feel the Rajiv Chowk rush each day :p
- Kapil Mishra, disgruntled ex-employee
Mishra’s and Mufflerman’s dispute is well documented. He accused the CM and Satyendra Jain of corruption charges and was promptly sacked from his post and then kicked out of the party. He staged a protest outside Kejriwal’s humble abode with singers and dancers (so more like a cultural fest).
Most disgruntled employees break the windows of cars and deflate tires or damage it so that the boss will have to pay, but Mishra apparently had a bright idea, steal the car, sell it, make money yourself, YOLO.
- Yogendra Yadav, the one that got away
Yogi (not the other one, he would never roll with Kejriwal) was Kejriwal’s BFF. He defended him against allegations, held his hand through the tough times and was an all-weather friend. He was also the only guy in AAP who could make decent arguments on a news show, but he too had a falling out (GOD! Is this a Bigg Boss show?) with the CM and left the party.
Just like his speech, Yogi’s planning must also have been slow, and have finally come to fruition right now. He must have been all James Bond, Mission Impossible style to plan out how he would infiltrate the facility and gain access to the car and drive out without being detected.
Or maybe he just wanted a new car, I don’t know.
- Anna Hazare, Dronachrya vs Eklavya
Anna Hazare was like a father to Kejriwal. He raised him from an intensely bureaucratic civil servant to an intensely bureaucratic activist. He gave him the platform to make his #dharna a household feature and to make Jantar Mantar their second home.
Let’s face the truth, Kejriwal’s entire political career began the moment Anna brought him onstage and showed him the light (that was attached to the news camera). It is only logical that Anna wanted some #GuruDakshina. Since Kejriwal couldn’t give him what he wanted, a corruption-free government with honest legislators and transparent functioning (I just said that, yes), he took matters into his own hand and stole the car.
At least it was not a thumb.
- Arvind Kejriwal
Have you any idea how expensive petrol is?
Fun fact- a WagonR goes for 1-3 lacs on OLX. And this one has mufflers in it.
These were all my assumptions on who could have done this act of utter disrespect towards the law, the government and the #Jhadu. But it seems almost pitiful that all this happens to the CM of Delhi only. He is the one who is slapped, attacked with a show, attacked with ink, forced to hold dharnas (although I think its a habit now).
I sincerely hope that the car is returned along with all the mufflers soon. Winter is coming.
Note- The article was meant in good humor and not to malign the image of any person mentioned here.
Image Credits: Google Images
You would also like to read: