I, being a typical pathetic North Indian, traveled to South India for the first time in my life. Having heard stories, and read listicles about how different it is from North India, it was a journey for me. So, here’s my listicle:
You know how they say India is a cluster of countries and not a single country? Well, it’s true. South India has more language variations than the entire North India. There’s not just change of accents but a change of the entire language.
Tamil Nadu speaks Tamil, Kerala Malyalam, Andhra Pradesh Telugu, Karnataka Kannada.
It makes you realize that Hindi is a forking regional language and not actually a national language.
It’s delicious. But it lacks variety. Idli, Dosa, Upma, Pongal and Puri sabji. That’s it.
Yes. That is the entire menu of any and every restaurant. Most restaurants which have a variety of articles on their menu, if any, hardly have those things in the kitchen. Everybody loves Sambhar and Rasam. I’m pretty sure people make love to it at night or at all times of the day.
North Indians use masala in everything. I’m pretty sure there’s a kadhai paneer flavored condom somewhere. But in South India, spices are used less. However, the food is still tasty as phuk. How? Magic.
Kapee is love
If you think CCD and Starbucks serve real coffee, then you’re mistaken, my wealthy friend.
Filter kapee is the real coffee. They serve it to you in small oddly shaped stainless steel glass and bowl and you have to mix it while avoiding your fingers from suffering burns.
Restaurants don’t serve spoons
Eating with a spoon is something the southern part of India doesn’t believe in. Spoons are hardly served in restaurants. You get only when you ask for it. And when you ask for it, they look at you like you’ve asked them to donate their healthy kidney to you. Plus, there’s a scarcity of spoons and forks.
Heck, I have seen a guy eating noodles with his bare hands while mixing it with sambhar. I almost vomited but didn’t because they don’t serve napkins as well.
I was stunned. How can they call themselves Indians and not pollute the environment? What sort of anarchy is this? Is our ancient culture being threatened?
Not to exaggerate, there were patches of land where one could find garbage and North Indians.
Also, Kerala is the cleanest place I’ve been to and I have been to Mars.
South Indians take like 5 minutes to complete a meal
While in North India, going to a restaurant for dinner or lunch is an experience, in South India, it’s a zombie apocalypse. We, North Indians, take time. We are poised, pretentious poised, but still poised.
South Indians take hardly five to ten minutes to stuff their mouth with food with the help of their hands, of course, leaving the fingers, palm and nails glued to what they just ate.
Anna, Aatey ki roti milegi kya?
Doctors’ advice to avoid eating Maida. But that is all I found there. *Cries a river*
PS: South India is a beautiful place to be. Go visit ASAP if you haven’t already.
(Images from Google Images)