There was a plastic bag that I looked upon one morning. I followed it, it was about 5 am in the morning, and I followed it down to the quiet alleys of Bangalore, and on to the empty main roads, I walked and I walked right down to the curb that was up next, and as soon as I shifted my vision the plastic bag disappeared.
I realized something that day. Don’t follow anything. It can always be deceptive. We waste a lot of time doing it.
We feel that the tragedies we face, the smallest to the magnanimous are all unique to us.
Well that’s a very flawed perception. Math could tell us that in probability, there are people who experience this so called “Tragedy” that we face at the very same time, of the exact same nature.
Tensions, break ups, arguments, loss, failure are big words, in which we put in even greater meaning, which we can avoid, if we were faced with the truth, the reality that is outside our room.
Break ups, and failure are things that people face in a day to day basis, and some even larger than yours.
I remember I had a friend, a dear one, who had a heart breaking break up with this girl he was with for 2 years, well it’s known to all of us that relationship is like an emotional roller coaster there are some crazy ups and some shattering downs. He was a wreck, but 5 months later he looked happy, as it should be, so I asked him if he was genuinely happy, or does he ever remember her, he said that he was more happy than ever, and he got over it because he realised that even though the memories with her haunted him, he knew he could make better ones with someone someday, he felt bad because he lost someone so beautiful, than he realized that there is no limit to beauty in people, and he could deal with that, but there was this emptiness, on my enquiry, he replied, “You know, when she was there, I was surrounded by this unexplainable positive energy, that made me feel special, that made me do everything I did, with ease, knowing that someone I love is expecting something for me and that energy propelled me to do so many things I could never imagine to do.”
I replied, “I think it’s time to find this positive energy, inside you. Doesn’t that solve every problem, why are we so dependant? “
He was speechless.
Why do we look for things? We run around looking for faith, for freedom, for beauty, for belief, for the truth, and for love.
I think this eternal treasure hunt should start from oneself and soon all the X’s on the map will become highlighted.
For all my ED readers, here I write a poem, dedicated to every one of you.
While I sat on this placate balcony,
I got an itch on my wrist,
Suddenly I saw a light flash by my mind,
Those placid questions were so clear and crisp,
I hid behind them since I last tried,
I looked at the skyline and closed my eyes,
felt the wind brush through my brows,
I remembered what I missed, and I remembered those vows.
I looked behind me and I saw a shadow,
The one I knew so well, the one I trusted with every single drop of faith in my soul.
An array of images, spiralled in break neck speed down that empty canvas,
The look, the touch, the smile, the laugh, the tears, the fights the ‘ifs’ and the ‘mights’.
I remembered those guys who pushed me from behind,
and the ones who weren’t as kind.
I thought of my mom and dad, and the time I never had.
There was a time, I was in a room filled with light,
where we danced slowly, and your glasses filled with fog,
we pitched a tent, and exchanged a kiss,
Suddenly, the lights went off.
I spoke, I moved my hands, and then I tried to scream and then I tried to shout.
There was silence, my heart caved in.
The room became cold and the air grew thin.
I couldn’t find the switch board; I think it never did exist.
And then suddenly, I got an itch on my wrist.
While I groaned and twisted on the floor,
the confusion ate me away,
I looked around me, I saw nothing, I felt blind every day.
I saw blackness when I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, the same.
One night while I sketched on the black canvas with my finger,
I slipped into a dream,
I saw my companions sing and dance, I could hear their joy and I could hear the screams.
They were in a place I could carve my heart to be,
I was unfortunate, but how far can that take me? (I thought).
Suddenly (as if someone was waiting for me to realise this)
I saw a spot.
I stopped, I sat still, my brain was in knots.
I followed that spot, and now I am here.
I’ll never let go of it, it’s my everything.
And If you’re in darkness, like I was,
and you feel like you’ve been beaten black and blue,
Look for this ‘spot’,
Don’t waste your time looking around though, it’s inside you.
“Life should feel like an eternal sky die”
–Aavirash Mitra
