Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real. In short, just a good laugh.
ED: Hello and welcome to Fake Friendly Fridays! Today, we have with us, the wealthiest person in India, Mr. Mukesh Ambani. Welcome to the show, Mr. Ambani. Unfortunately, we have to do this over a video call.
Ambani: I’m glad to be here, and yes, it is regrettable we have to do this over the screen rather than a studio that’s worth less than how much money I make in a microsecond because you know, I’m super-rich.
ED: Yes, we are aware you’re rich. In fact, you were recently listed as the 4th richest person in the world, despite a pandemic. How do you feel about that?
Ambani: Well, it was bound to happen. I have worked day and night, sold my soul to the devil for a couple of years and of course, learnt from past mistakes and kept going on. I would’ve followed in Jeff Bezos’s footsteps and committed workers’ right abuses like a regular billionaire, but my wife insisted that I must be ‘humane’ or whatever.
ED: I’m sorry, you sold what—
Ambani: (interrupting) —Do you know the amount of money I’d be making if not for these damn human rights? It’s every billionaire’s nightmare. What happened to the good old days of capitalism, when we destroyed society just for profit?
ED: I can’t say I agree, but hopefully, your lockdown is otherwise going well. What have you been doing these days?
Also Read: Why Is Mark Zuckerberg Interested In Mukesh Ambani?
Ambani: Oh yes, I’ve been working from home, you know, just like the average Indian.
ED: Right, but an average Indian doesn’t live in a 27-storey home.
Ambani: Oh no, my house is just like anybody else’s. I too am constantly looking for a room with good lighting for video calls, struggling to get a good signal, I don’t get signal for Jio in my area, and of course, I hang around, getting suntanned at one of the three helipads at my home.
Rich people, they’re just like you.
ED: (Thinks back to when she assaulted the toothpaste with a rolling pin to get every last bit) Yes, of course, you’re just like the common man. Your beautiful home, Antilia, is a stunner. Did you make it as a reminder of all you’ve accomplished, having spent part of your childhood in crowded chawls?
Ambani: Naa fam, I just wanted to flex all that money.
ED: Fair enough. Speaking of money, you have been quite active in lockdown, making deals worth $8 billion with companies like Facebook and Google. How have you been so productive in this pandemic?
Ambani: I’m all about the grind. I wake up at 3:45 A.M. and do 5000 sit-ups. Then I have 75 video meetings in 2 hours, in fact, while giving this interview, I wrote a 700-page autobiography with my left hand. I spend the rest of the day perfecting my plan to take over the world.
ED: You never take a break, do you? There are even rumours that Reliance might buy TikTok’s Indian operations, what can you tell us about that?
Ambani: Well, I can tell you that I cannot tell you anything, but this isn’t to say that there is nothing to say, but again, I will be saying nothing.
ED: (Already spacing out after listening to his first word) Umm, sure, I totally understood all of those words and in that order. It seems that even a global pandemic will not stop your endeavours.
Ambani: Oh, believe me, it won’t. Just you wait, one more year, and I’ll make sure everyone has Jio stamped across their foreheads.
ED: Why?
Ambani: Why not?
ED: Jeez. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to talk to us, stay home and stay safe.
Image Credits: Google Images
Find the blogger: @RoshniKahaHain
This post is tagged under: Mukesh Ambani interview, mukesh ambani in lockdown, reliance tiktok deal, richest person in India, 4th richest person in the world, mukesh ambani in the pandemic, fake interview
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