Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (some, for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real life. In short, just have a good laugh!
ED Times: Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to yet another exciting episode of Fake Friendly Fridays with ED times! Today we have a very special guest with us. Please welcome the QUEEN of Bollywood… and controversies (in a lower voice) – Kangana Ranaut!
Kangana: It’s Padma Shree Kangana Ranaut!
ED Times: Ya my bad…
Kangana: You see, I had to come a long way to earn this title, otherwise you know how the entire Bollywood runs on nepotism.
ED Times (nodding in agreement): So Kangana Ji… sorry, Padma Shree Kangana Ji, please enlighten our readers about this journey of yours in this world of nepotism, as you would like to call it.
Kangana: Not a journey – it was a battle which I fought alone just like Rani Laxmibai. That is why I feel that I was born for the role of Manikarnika. In fact, you can even call it my biopic.
* Interviewer raises an eyebrow *
Kangana (continues): How many of them (referring to Bollywood stars) can claim themselves to be self-made? Well, I can, proudly. I started as a small-town girl from Himachal and now, I’m an all-rounder – an award-winning actor, a director, a nationalist … I even have my own production house. It’s not long before I rule the entire industry. Woh Karan Johar aur uske star kids ko hum aise khareed lenge!
ED Times (nervously): Kaise?
Kangana (snapping her fingers): Aise! In fact, uss Krish ko toh already “Super Hero” se “Super Zero” nahi, “Super Three Zero” bana dala!
*interviewer trying to process her last statement*
Kangana: Ek ek kar sab ki pol kholungi! The media thinks that it will ban me and curb my voice! But I’ll not let that happen. If the press bans me, then I’ll go to Twitter, if Twitter bans me, I’ll go to Facebook, waha bhi ban kar diya toh I’ll go to some other platform. Ab pura internet toh ban nahi kar sakta na mujhe!
*interviewer sincerely wishing the last scenario to turn true*
Kangana: Aap hi batao, I am an honorable citizen of Independent India. Is anyone entitled to curb my freedom of speech?
ED Times: No… not at all (though desperately wanting to say “yes, they must, for the sake of the nation!”).
Kangana: Hala ke it was not until recently that the country got independent. Kya hi hota in 7-8 saalon mein. I’m sure slowly but surely, things will change for the better.
ED Times (looking confused than ever): 7 saal? I used to think that our country got its independence more than 70 years ago…
Kangana (roaring with laughter): Arre woh aazaadi thodi hi thi? Woh toh bheekh thi!
Also Read: Kangana Ranaut Bashed For Calling India’s Independence In 1947 ‘Bheek’ And Not Real Freedom
ED Times (faking a smile in an attempt to prevent any further arguments): Moving onto our next question – who do you think will be the next most successful new-age actress in Bollywood?
Kangana: Firstly, why do you sound like Karan Johar all of a sudden? And secondly, who else can it be other than me – the Padma Shree Kangana Ranaut?
ED Times: Aap thori purani nahi hai?
Kangana: Excuse me?
ED Times: I mean, it was back in 2006 when you made your debut with Gangster…
Kangana (interrupting): And even received the award for the best female debut…
ED Times: Ya, so don’t you think that you have ruled for quite a length of time and that there are more actresses who have come up comparatively recently and are doing quite well? Take Alia Bhatt for example…
Kangana (laughing): That little dumb star kid? She should leave acting and rejoin primary school first! A person with no political awareness doesn’t deserve to be called a public figure.
ED Times: But there are other newbies who are also politically aware besides being really good actors… like Tapsee Pannu.
Kangana: That B-grade actress? She is literally my sasti copy who begs producers for my rejected films!
ED Times: We also have Bhumi Pednekar. She is not your copy I believe. Nepo-kid bhi nahi hai…
Kangana: Par nepo-kid jaisi hi hai. Pehli baat toh Yash Chopra ne usko launch kiya, dusra she made all her fame as Ayushmann’s co-star who again built his career through nothing but chaploosi!
ED Times: Aapko bhi toh Mahesh Bhatt ne launch kiya tha and weren’t you also linked with Aditya Pancholi?
*An awkward silence falls down the room.*
Kangana: Ab aap badtameesi kar rahi hai. Nahi aap kehna kya chaah rahi hai? Jaroor aapko bhi Karan Johar ne plant kiya hai mujhe neecha dikhane ke liye. Yeh sab mere khilaaf saajish hai aur mai iske khilaf awaz uthakar rahungi… (and her ranting continues)
ED Times (turning towards the camera): As you can see the fire has been set and it doesn’t seem that it’ll douse any soon, so I guess, we will have to close the curtains for today. Don’t forget to stay tuned to ED Times for more such Fake Friendly Fridays!
Image Source: Google Images
Sources: Blogger’s own imagination
Find the Blogger: @ParomaDey
This post is tagged under Kangana Ranaut, Manikarnika, Entertainment, Bollywood, Nepotism, Karan Johar, Koffee With Karan, Alia Bhatt, Tapsee Pannu, Bhumi Pednekar, Ayushmann Khurrana, Mahesh Bhatt, Gangsterfilm, Aditya Pancholi