Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (some, for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real life. In short, just have a good laugh!
ED Times: A perfect match they say, is not made in heaven but by a good matchmaker.
Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to yet another exciting episode of Fake Friendly Fridays with ED times! Our special guest for today is none other than Mumbai’s top matchmaker, Sima Taparia!
Ma’am, it’s great to have you with us!
Sima Aunty: Pleasure is all mine. I’ll find you the most eligible bachelor in town!
ED Times: Hein?
Sima Aunty (awkwardly laughing): Oh, my bad, my bad! I almost forgot that it’s my interview and not… Matchmaking is my passion you see!
ED Times (attempting to overcome the second hand embarrassment): Totally!
Sima Aunty: Yeh part zara cut kar dena!
ED Times: It’s all cool! (No it’s not!)
*clearing throat* So, Simaji, you’ve been in this business of helping people find their perfect match, for a really long time now. What is your take on modern-day relationships?
Sima Aunty: They *sighs* are a complete waste of time. Most of these couples I see today, text, sext, go out on dates and even live together just to break up in the end. What’s the purpose of dating if you don’t plan to marry?
ED Times: It’s probably because it didn’t work out and they realized that they are not “the one”…
Sima Aunty: Oh please! These kids… every month they get hold of someone new and they still don’t find “the one”? Shame on them! Log kya kahenge?
ED Times: Hum itni kursiyan dekhte hai ek khareedne se pehle, phir apna life partner choose karne se pehle options dekhne mein kya problem? *sasta SRK moment*
Sima Aunty: Beta please, keep these filmy lines aside! These kids are privileged that they get to have a say in who they’d like to get married to. Humare zamaane mein we didn’t even get to see who it is. How did it work back then?
*Interviewer in serious thought*
Sima Aunty: Thoda adjustment toh karna padega! People these days – they are so fickle minded and fussy. But I am here to help them! Tell me, what are the most important things that a marriage involves?
ED Times: Love and compatibility?
Sima Aunty: Oh, don’t be silly! It’s the families and their millions of dollars that get involved! Your partner represents you, your status and not just your status but your entire family’s as well! You need to do justice to them!
ED Times: But what about my likings, my personal growth?
Sima Aunty: Your marriage is not about you, dear! It’s a social responsibility.
*Interviewer completely failing to process the statement she just made*
Also Read: Fake Friendly Fridays: In Conversation With Maya Sarabhai About Her Class Consciousness
Sima Aunty: By the way, are you single?
ED Times: Yea, why?
Sima Aunty: Wahi toh, why?
*Interviewer confused*
Sima Aunty: You are already of age and that too working. Why are you still single? What are you waiting for?
ED Times: For the right person… haven’t found love yet…
Sima Aunty: Oye milta nahi puttar! Milana padhta hai! Keep all these luv shuv aise and start getting family oriented! Why wait for someone when I can set you up with anyone?
ED Times: Arranged marriage isn’t my thing.
Sima Aunty: See, that’s exactly what I was saying about this generation being fussy! They miss their chance and then end up alone.
ED Times: But it’s not the end of life, there’s still a long way to go.
Sima Aunty: Par ekbar umar nikal jayegi toh shaadi karne ka kya fayda?
ED Times: Fayda?
Sima Aunty: Chhoti bachchi ho kya?
*Interviewer gasping on suddenly realising what she meant*
Sima Aunty: The reason why you’re having difficulty in landing a potential husband is probably because of your height and weight…and of course your habit of answering back! Still good that you’re fair. I mean, you can do better but still, you’re not dark beyond hope!
ED Times (finally losing it yet keeping calm): Oh! Can you please tell me a few other areas where I can “do better”?
Sima Aunty (finally taking interest): With pleasure. What are your skills?
ED Times: Debating, writing…
Sima Aunty (laughing hysterically): Oh no! Like they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Your debating skills and graduation certificate won’t help you reach there…
ED Times: …but they would help me put food on the table!
*mic drop*
Image Source: Google Images
Sources: Blogger’s own imagination
Find the Blogger: @ParomaDey
This post is tagged under: Arranged marriage, Bharat matrimony, Dating, indian matchmaking, indian matchmaking cringe, Indian matchmaking netflix, marriage, Netflix, Relationships, shaadi.com, Sima Aunty, sima taparia
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