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Many of us are under the most basic notion that a person dealing with clinical depression has a hard time getting out of bed, has self-destructive thoughts, etc. Albeit true, it’s only one side of the same coin.
The Dual Face Of Clinically Depressed
Having been diagnosed with borderline dysthymia and clinical depression at a very early stage in life, it hasn’t been easy. Dysthymia is a chronic form of clinical depression which may or may not be curable but however manageable. It involves having a persistently low mood over a long period of time.
You don’t necessarily feel low all the time but when you do, it’s like you’ve hit rock-bottom and there’s no way climbing out of it.
However, cruel as it is, it also nurtures an artistic mind. Some of the best works that exist today are from artists who were mentally ill. This isn’t a romanticizing mental illness but simply a fact that is often overlooked.
Robin Williams who brought life to evergreen characters like Dr. Sean Maguire from Good Will Hunting (1997), John Keating from Dead Poets Society (1989) and Adrian Cronauer from Good Morning Vietnam (1987) lost his life battling depression.
Van Gogh created Starry Night (1889) during his stay at the asylum of Saint-Paul-de-Mausole before which he had cut off his right ear owing to depression.
Sylvia Plath, one of the most dynamic and revolutionary poets of the 20th century produced some of her best works like Ariel (1965), Lady Lazarus (1965) and Daddy (1962) besides being treated with chronic depression.
Edvard Munch’s famous painting The Scream (1893) represents a sense of despair and anguish. The strokes and colors he uses often portray his own state of mind.
Read More: What Many Of Us Get Wrong About Depression
A Small Glimpse Inside The Mind Of A Clinically Depressed Person
There are days on an end when it physically hurts to move your body and then there are days when you live life on auto-pilot. However, what is most widely unknown is that apart from these things, sometimes even if you’re going about your day-to-day activity, you feel numb inside.
You could be out with your friends having the time of your life and yet you feel lonely and numb. You don’t remember the last time you felt okay. Happiness is like a far-fetched dream and your only focus remains on trying to be okay.
You could be out with your lover and feel absolutely lonely. It’s not their fault and neither yours. You feel like you’re drowning in this vast black nothingness without an iota of light.
You could be watching your favorite comedy show and laughing so hard that you have tears in your eyes but all of a sudden you’re hit by this raw feeling of sadness and pain and you cry. You cry so hard and you beg for the pain to stop but it doesn’t until you’ve spent yourself.
You contemplate ending yourself but you don’t. But it doesn’t stop you from thinking about it. There’s no middle ground when it comes to anger because what you feel is pure, seething rage. All you see is red and sometimes it can get out of control.
You begin to question yourself. You begin to question the point of your entire existence. You feel irrelevant and you can feel the vines of hopelessness choking you.
It is scary. A nightmare!
However, all of this can be avoided if treated at the right time.
How And When Did It Start
It began with losing interest in my favorite hobbies – dancing and drawing. Initially, I thought it was a phase and would go away soon but eventually, I started losing interest in all the activities. I lost interest in going to school and my bed had become my best friend.
More often than not, clinical depression is a result of one or more unresolved childhood trauma that has never been recognized or talked about, abusive and toxic environment, bullying, etc.
For me, it wasn’t the loss of appetite or insomnia. It was the persistent feeling of hopelessness and the lack of purpose.
This entire horror can be avoided. One only needs to reach out to a mental health professional. I struggle to this day in this battle owing to a lack of professional help and it isn’t pretty.
Hence, it is extremely important to take care of your mental health just as much as your physical health. Mental health is not to be taken lightly as the lack of proper attention and treatment can prove to be lethal.
Image Credits: Google Images
Sources: Blogger’s own experience
Find the Blogger: @Rishita51265603
This post is tagged under: clinical depression, dysthymia, hopelessness, loneliness, results of depression, chronic depression, what happens when left untreated, Mental Health Awareness, Robin Williams, Sylvia Plath, Edvard Munch, Vincent Van Gogh, artists suffering from depression, Starry Night, , the scream, ariel, lady lazarus, dead poets society, , good will hunting
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