- The ‘speak now or forever hold peace’: The classic “If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace” line gets uttered in every movie wedding, which always leaves the door open for a long-lost lover to burst in and set things right, or a loveable hero who’s onto the “scheme” of the wedding to interrupt it RIGHT before the evil bride steals the groom’s secret treasure-fortune, or just a good old “someone shouts out something wacky” (this is the most common reason why anything in movie weddings occurs).
- The cake gets destroyed: Nothing RIDICULOUS happens to the cake at weddings. No one dives into it, no French waiter is carrying it and slips and it goes up in the air and lands on the stuffy aunt-in-law who acts all shocked, it just gets cut andserved, and is usually just-kind-of-ok.
- The couple always flies to their honeymoon immediately after the wedding: “Thanks for flying in, hundreds of friends and family members, but we’re gonna hop in our pre-packed limo and scoot right on over to the airport this second to fly to Maui! Thanks for seeing us for three hours! You can all feel free to, like, get brunch together tomorrow or whatever.”
- The best man is always a moron: In Real Life, it’s the Best Man’s job to lightly rib the groom with borderline-inappropriate or embarrassing stories to make him red-faced and let the mother-in-law jokingly scowl at him. In Movies, it’s the Best Man’s job to be ultra-drunk and completely unaware of even the most basic rules of propriety and instantly bring up a SUPER detailed, sexual story about an orgy they had in Tijuana with strippers and ex girlfriends of the groom.
