FlippED is an ED Original style wherein two bloggers come together to share their opposing or orthogonal perspectives on an interesting subject.
It is often women who are victims of toxic, disrespectful relationships. Studies show that 60% of the time, men are abusers in disdainful relationships.
As a result, in 40% of the cases where men are emotionally abused in relationships, they do not find recognition and support in society as widely as women do. But the emotional exploitation of men is as intolerable as it is with women.
Dealing with toxicity and abuse is one thing, and taking steps to come out of your abusive relationship is something entirely different. But do men, with their predatory male behavior, struggle as much as women to leave behind their abusive relationships as well?
Two of our bloggers, Ekparna and Katyayani, argue about whether men also find it difficult to walk out of abusive relationships.
Blogger Ekparna’s Opinion: Yes, men find it difficult to walk out of abusive relationships
“Men too feel trapped in abusive relationships and struggle to get out of them” – Ekparna Podder
Men are like unheard and unnoticed dupes in abusive relationships. But the rate of male victims in toxic love affairs is increasing at a greater pace.
Whenever people talk about emotional or physical abuse in a relationship, we normally assume the survivor to be a woman. Since a man suffering at the hands of a woman is rare, it doesn’t come to our minds very promptly. However, ill-treatment of men in a relationship can have serious life-ruining impacts.
Abused Men Are Often Ignored
When men become victims of emotional abuse in relationships, they are neglected most of the time. This is chiefly because, believe it or not, gender stereotypes still exist as a major drawback in society. This indicates that the human mind is inclined to believe that it is almost improbable for a man, who is physically more powerful and hostile, to be abused by his female partner.
Abused men are often overlooked because they do not want to talk about it themselves. They remain silent even if they realize that they are being ill-treated. This is because society shames a weak man, and his masculinity is questioned if he cannot raise his voice against a woman oppressing him.
As a result, men are faced with abuse in relationships more often than we can imagine.
What Does Emotional Abuse Of Men Look Like?
Men can be harassed in a relationship in the same ways as women. Men can be victims of emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse in their relationships. Men who fall prey to abuse in a love affair have to bear with insulting comments, demotivating remarks, threats, lies, and more torturous experiences.
Sometimes an abusive woman can cheat on her male partner, unnecessarily scream at him, treat him more like her personal attendant than a boyfriend, try to alienate him from his family and friends, and take control over his financial affairs.
In toxic marriages, the abusive woman may intimidate the husband to take away custody of their kids, ask for high alimony after divorce, or even falsely accuse the man of inflicting physical violence on her and her children.
Manipulation, mind games, suicide threats, stalking, and denying sex are other ways employed by toxic women to emotionally torment their partner in a relationship.
Why Do Men Stay In Abusive Relationships?
Out of the many reasons why men stay in toxic relationships, the most common one is because emotional abuse makes them feel worthless. He refuses to accept that he deserves better or that he is meritorious enough to break up with his partner.
Another reason is that when the man has been emotionally abused in his relationship for too long, he becomes accustomed to his partner’s abusive nature, and this is most common in marriages. He starts accepting the abuse and becomes habituated to his partner’s toxic traits.
Men may also find it difficult to get out of emotionally abusive relationships and marriages because of their kids, because they fear and feel threatened by their abuser, or because they are too reliant on their abusive partners.
Admitting your weakness does not make you any less of a man. The best way to deal with any kind of abuse is through therapy or by communicating with someone about it. No matter how difficult it seems, turning your back on an abusive relationship is the only and right way to maintain good mental health.
Also Read: Breakfast Babble: Here’s Why I Think All Relationships Should Have A Probation Period
Blogger Katyayani’s Opinion: Men do not find it difficult at all to walk out on women
“Patriarchy structures society in a way where men are emotionally abused, and women have to bear the brunt of it” – Katyayani Joshi
Emotional abuse is defined as “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.”
What does emotional abuse of women look like?
The abuse that a man goes through is eventually vented out on a woman. A large portion of men who perpetrate violence against their female partners were abused or exposed to family violence in their childhood.
It is easy to say that ‘not all men’, but men never leave a chance to exclaim ‘all women.’ 18.7% of women have experienced threats of physical harm by an intimate partner, and 95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also abuse them psychologically.
Under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act of 2005, emotional or psychological abuse has been categorized as verbal, including insults, ridicule, humiliation, name-calling, and especially slurs for not having a child or male child. Psychological abuse is one of the major forms of abuse faced by women.
Why do men stay in abusive relationships?
Men are not under any compulsion to stay in an abusive relationship, as they are neither financially dependent nor socially bound to not leave their partners, unlike women, who are deprived of the societal privileges of walking out of relationships.
According to scholars, one gets the highest form of satisfaction—absolute knowledge after having power over another. Subordination of the other makes them more powerful. In case the men are abusers, it is to their benefit that they stay in an abusive relationship, and if not, then it is easy for them to walk out, as they are not expected to succumb to women’s abuse.
Women Are Tagged As Abusive
Women are held responsible for all the things that go wrong in a man’s life. A man is either called a momma’s boy or a wife’s slave. Whatever his position, a woman is always to be blamed.
A woman is prone to name-calling and character assassination, especially when she is working, dowry beatings, and insults for not working (economically dependent women). The male ego cannot handle an independent woman, hence the abuse.
When a woman is assertive, she is tagged as dominating and blamed for alienating her partner from his family, even if she is not responsible for it. If she makes legitimate arguments to uphold her self-respect, she is said to be a troublemaker in a man’s life. If twisting a woman’s demeanor to one’s benefit is not abuse, then what is?
These reasons are used against the woman to get out of relationships. The purpose is not to create a gender binary but to point out the discrepancies in looking at women and men differently. A woman’s simple assertive behavior is judged to favor men. A primary question arises: When will men acknowledge their privileges?
While I am of the opinion that men struggle to come out of abusive relationships, my partner, Katyayani thinks it is easier for men to walk out on women. Let us know your opinion in the comment section below.
Image Credits: Google Images
Sources: Bloggers’ own opinions
Find the blogger: Katyayani Joshi & Ekparna Podder
This post is tagged under: men, relationships, abusive relationship, abusive women, not all men, toxic relationships, abused men, leaving abusive partners, breakup, relationship
Disclaimer: We do not hold any right, copyright over any of the images used, these have been taken from Google. In case of credits or removal, the owner may kindly mail us.
[…] Also Read: FlippED: We Argue Whether Men Find It Difficult To Walk Out Of Abusive Relationships […]