Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (some, for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real life. In short, just have a good laugh!
Join this exclusive (fake) interview with the US President Donald Trump, where he talks about tariffs, H-1B visa price hike, deportations, and even takes credit for everything good in the world. A satirical dive into classic Trump moments.
ED Times: Hello, Mr Trump, Welcome! Thank you for taking the time for this interview. You’re a busy man, after all. We appreciate it.
Trump: Well, thank you. I’m very busy, yes. Business, tariffs, you know? But India is an amazing country. Rich food. Richer schools. I love India. As Swami “Vivekamonundo” (He means Swami Vivekananda)… Vivek… (fumbles again) I love him. Everybody tells me he was a great man from India. Everybody.
ED Times: Yes, yes… Mr Trump, indeed. Let’s jump straight into the interview. Why the 50% hike in the tariffs?
Trump: Because business needs numbers. Big, round numbers. 50% sounds like it. 20% sounds weak. 30% is meh. But 50%? That sounds strong, bold, and the “BEST”, like me. I’m sure you know I’m the best president. And, nobody does tariffs like me. I made tariffs great again.
India is tough, very tough. But I’m tougher. People will hear 50% and think, “Trump really means business.” Great move. Tremendous respect.
ED Times: … but, won’t it lead to an increase in your own domestic numbers? You’re basically making your own voters pay more.
Trump: Look, I don’t care about numbers, neither does America. First, I was thinking 25%, but 50% hits the vibe. The number is huge. I love it. People say it’s too much. I say it’s perfect.
I’m the President. Americans will happily pay more if it means beating other countries down. My people will come to me crying and say, “Sir, thank you so much.” Nobody gets more thank yous than me. Nobody. It’s beautiful.
ED Times: Sure enough, Mr Trump, that’s surely some math you did right there.
Trump: I love math. It’s great. I love it.
ED Times: ….
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ED Times: Now, let’s talk about the H-1B visa fee hike. Why did that move out of nowhere?
Trump: I love surprises. I give the best ones. I didn’t even tell my staff, tremendous move. People said Americans needed new jobs. I say America just needed a new president. Here I am, America is back. We are stronger than ever! I am protecting American jobs! The visa program could’ve been misused.
ED Times: Even so, the H-1B only allows 65,000 visas annually, with an additional 20,000 for STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) industries. That’s only 85,000 foreigners against almost 340 million Americans!
Trump: 85,000 is a huge number. Those visas could’ve been abused. I just saved 85,000 jobs for my people! Shouldn’t the best president favour his own voters first?
ED Times: But H-1B visa holders are top-notch professionals, don’t you think declining them a smoother entry is a mistake?
Trump: I love smart people, but Americans are smart too. H-1B is good. I love H-1B. But it’s taking jobs away from my voters, I cannot allow that! America needs Americans. If we need smart people, we’ll train the locals. There were too many Indians using H-1B anyway.
ED Times: Then, Mr Trump, why were almost 300 South Korean professionals, who came legally to train Americans, suddenly deported? They had all the right legal documents.. Don’t you think you jeopardised a billion-dollar partnership between the two countries?
Trump: Koreans… I love them. Amazing people. Kimchi. Even better. They might have had the right documents, but I have better ones. The best documents, in fact. People call it a mistake? I call it negotiation.
A billion-dollar partnership, you say? Trust me, it was 2 billion dollars after they were deported. People will understand later, then they will say, “Sir, nobody could do it better than you.” It’s beautiful.
ED Times: Also, Mr Trump, the H-1B visa is open to all applicants from every country. There’s no country quota whatsoever. So Indians didn’t just take over the program, as you claim. Isn’t that misleading?
Trump: ….
ED times: Another question, Mr Trump. You openly took credit for the India-Pakistan ceasefire, when in reality, no third-party discussions ever occurred, and neither was trade a topic in this discussion. What was that about?
Trump: Of course, it was because of me. Everyone loves it when I decide something. Whenever something good happens, people know it’s Trump. I have relations with both countries.. Modi is a friend. And Pakistan calls me all the time asking for help because Trump is powerful.
ED Times: But Mr Trump, the officials have confirmed no third party was present in the discussion.
Trump: Who said I have to be present to make an effect? I just know I was the reason. That’s power. Tremendous effect. Great power.
ED Times: ….
Trump: I’m the greatest president in history!
Sources: Writer’s own creativity
Image sources: Google Images
Find the blogger: shubhangichoudhary_29
This post is tagged under: Donald Trump, America, Trump interview, Trump parody, Trump tariffs, Trump India, Trump H1B visa, Trump Korea, US politics satire, Political humor, Fake Trump interview, ED Times Trump, H1B visa news, India US relations
We do not hold any right over any of the images used; these have been taken from Google. In case of credits or removal, the owner may kindly email us.
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