Every day, there is a new dating trend that catches the world by storm. Recently, sleeping divorces caught the attention of many, and now the spotlight is on a new relationship model called ‘relationship anarchy’. Apparently, it is a new approach that challenges all preconceived notions of love and relationships that society has taught us till now.
Becoming quite popular among Gen-Z and the LGBTQ+ communities, this approach to love and connection wants people to introspect on traditional norms around romance, monogamy, and hierarchy, and throw the script set for all of them out the window.
Relationship anarchists, as practitioners of this model are called, prioritize autonomy, consent, and honest communication in all their relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or otherwise. The philosophy encourages individuals to build connections based on mutual values and desires, not societal expectations, roles, and labels.
What Is Relationship Anarchy?
The term ‘relationship anarchy’ was reportedly first coined by Swedish writer and activist Andie Nordgren in their 2012 relationship anarchy manifesto.
As per Andie, “Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have the capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship, and the love felt for that person does not diminish the love felt for another.
Don’t rank and compare people and relationships — cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals.”
Basically, it means that a person gives equal priority to all of their relationships, should they choose to. For RA practitioners, a romantic relationship does not take priority over a platonic one, and anyone from a sexual partner to a roommate or even an intimate platonic friendship could all hold equal weight and importance.
Nordgren, in their manifesto, stated, “Rather than looking for compromises in every situation, let loved ones choose paths that keep their integrity intact, without letting this mean a crisis for the relationship. Staying away from entitlement and demands is the only way to be sure that you are in a relationship that is truly mutual. Love is not more “real” when people compromise for each other because it’s part of what’s expected.”
They also wrote, “Choosing to assume that your partner does not wish you harm leads you down a much more positive path than a distrustful approach where you need to be constantly validated by the other person to trust that they are there with you in the relationship.”
They further talked about how communication is of utmost importance in RA, as well as the ability to withdraw into oneself when things get overwhelming. Andie wrote, “Sometimes people have so much going on inside themselves that there’s just no energy left to reach out and care for others. Create the kind of relationship where withdrawing is both supported and quickly forgiven, and give people lots of chances to talk, explain, see you and be responsible in the relationship.”
A June report by dating app Feeld also conducted a study on Relationship Anarchy, examining how RA is being seen as a radical response to the loneliness epidemic that many are witnessing currently.
The study questioned why romantic love is held in so much importance, highlighting that doing so can also burden the romantic partners with trying to fulfil all the emotional needs of a person and result in harming the individual’s well-being.
As per Feeld’s survey, RA might be more common than one thought, with “1 in 5 (20%) non-Feeld respondents realized that they practice RA” once they understood what RA means, and the number increased to 1 in 2 (50%) for Feeld members.
The survey also found that the highest number of people who seemed to either be aware of RA or practising it were the “young demographics,” especially the “LGBTQIA+ and non-cis” communities.
According to the survey, the pillars of RA include “self-awareness (212% more frequently mentioned), boundaries (+25%), maturity (+45%), empathy (+112%), honesty (+112%), and respect (+49%).”
The most positive thing seen with RA, though, was how it offered freedom and insight into forming deep and broad connections. Around 50% of participants were “more likely to find that a diverse network of connections combats loneliness,” while “20% more likely to have a strong support system.”
Read More: Premarital Counselling On Rise In India To Avoid Divorces
What Could Be Its Red Flag?
However, some experts have talked about how there might be some red flags that people should be aware of before engaging in this trend. They believe that this lack of structure itself could end up being a problem and create confusion, especially when setting boundaries.
The Feeld report also supports this by stating that “Members practicing Relationship Anarchy find negotiating relationship boundaries a staggering 536% more challenging to do than non-RA practitioners.”
Conflict resolution was also seen as being easier by 46% for non-practitioners, thus “highlighting the complexities of dismantling ingrained hierarchies.”
However, supporters of this system claim that this lack of structure instead leads to a heavier emphasis on honest communication and constant check-in, since the partners practising relationship anarchy don’t have the traditional guardrails to fall back on.
Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship expert, quoted by India Today, stated how RA “actually demands more emotional accountability,” since “You can’t fall back on roles or rules, you have to show up with clarity and care every time.”
There can also be challenges in deconditioning from the traditional relationship rules that society encourages for those trying to practice RA.
As per a Dazed report, RA practitioners are “96% more likely to have experienced negative reactions from prioritising seeing multiple partners over focusing on a single partner.”
Dr Donna Oriowo, sex and relationship therapist at AnnodRight, in a Cosmopolitan report, advised that those who might be struggling with RA should “Take a moment to consider what you’re struggling with and why.” She added, “Trying something new can be hard, give yourself time to learn more and adjust.”
Dr Oriowo also emphasised the importance of a community, especially with something like RA, saying, “It can be really helpful to find a group of like-minded folks who can support you through the transition and even give you some pointers on how they were able to make it happen and work for themselves.”
Sex educator Ruby Rare also said, “It’s important to find community, online or offline, where you get to talk about these things. You can’t practice relationship anarchy on your own. And stop worrying about performing relationships perfectly or trying to prove something. Human connection is inherently messy. The better we are at embracing that, the better we are at enjoying our lives.”
Image Credits: Google Images
Sources: The Economic Times, Cosmopolitan, India Today
Find the blogger: @chirali_08
This post is tagged under: dating trend, dating trend new, dating trend gen z, dating trend lgtq, lgbt, lgbt india, gen z, dating trends news, dating trend loneliness, labels, labels in relationships, relationship anarchy, relationship philosophy, traditional dating norms
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