In a world already battling dating terms like ghosting, breadcrumbing, and love bombing, there comes a new heartbreak tactic disguised in silence: Banksying.
Inspired by the anonymous street artist Banksy, known for showcasing art and disappearing without a trace, this term describes a partner who emotionally checks out of a relationship long before uttering a single word about the breakup. Unlike ghosting, which is abrupt, Banksying is a slow fade, one that feels like being emotionally evicted from your own love story.
From Delhi to Detroit, the emotional consequences of such breakups are increasingly being felt in young adult relationships. As dating becomes more digital and emotionally detached, Banksying reflects not just individual fears of confrontation, but an entire generation’s struggle with honest conversations.
What Exactly Is Banksying, And Why Now?
Banksying, as the term suggests, is the act of emotionally withdrawing from a relationship without formally ending it. The partner stays physically present, still attending dinners, still texting, but their emotional investment dwindles day by day. The other person is left confused, doubting themselves, and trying to make sense of the slow change.
This term gained traction after USA Today highlighted it, describing it as a modern version of emotional sabotage. Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, puts it bluntly: “The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock… It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity.”
Emotional Gaslighting In The Age Of Self-Care
What makes Banksying more toxic than ghosting is the illusion of normalcy. Your partner still says “I love you,” still celebrates your wins, and yet something is… off. The texts lack warmth, conversations get mechanical, and the future you both planned slowly disappears from the discussion.
Psychiatrist Dr Pavitra Shankar from Aakash Healthcare explains, “This emotional withdrawal is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour. It’s a covert way of expressing discomfort while forcing the other person to decode the silence. Even if it’s unintentional, it breeds anxiety and confusion.”
And in the Indian context, where emotional transparency is still a cultural taboo, this indirect form of distancing can be even more damaging, especially for women taught to maintain peace in relationships at any cost.
Why People Choose Banksy
Breaking up is hard. But confronting someone with a breakup? Even harder in an age where conflict feels like a threat to one’s peace. Dating coach Pratik Jain observes, “We’re not taught how to have uncomfortable conversations in intimate settings. So when someone decides to end things, they fear the other person’s reactions: tears, anger, blame. Detaching becomes the safe, cowardly route.”
And with dating apps giving people an exit plan before a relationship even begins, the emotional cost of pulling away is lower than ever. A quick swipe, a new match, and voilà, discomfort conveniently replaced. But for the person on the receiving end, it’s an unending loop of “What did I do wrong?” and “Was it all fake?”
Also Read: Gen Z Softies Can’t Handle The Harsh World Of Casual Dating
What It Does to the ‘Banksied’
The emotional toll of being Banksied is silent but intense. Unlike a clear breakup, where one can begin to grieve, Banksying delays closure. The partner still shows up, but love feels ghostly. You replay conversations, question your instincts, and even feel guilty for noticing the shift.
“This kind of breakup triggers abandonment wounds and erodes self-esteem, especially in people with anxious attachment styles,” says Dr Shankar. “It leaves them hypervigilant in future relationships, always scanning for emotional distance.”
In India, where emotional expression in romantic partnerships is still catching up with Western norms, such ambiguity often causes undue guilt and psychological stress, more so for women, who are culturally conditioned to “fix things.”
Can You Spot It Before It Happens?
Thankfully, Banksying isn’t undetectable. The signs are subtle, but present. Jain lists a few red flags: “Reduced emotional sharing, blaming you for trivial issues, dodging real conversations, spending less time on shared experiences.” If your gut says something is off, it probably is.
And while the Banksy-er may be dodging discomfort, the Banksied deserves better. “Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re imagining things,” Amy Chan warns. “Just because they say everything is fine doesn’t mean you should ignore how you feel.” Intuition is not a glitch in your system; it’s your body telling you something your heart is afraid to admit.
In the great breakup dictionary of modern dating, Banksying might just be the most poetic and brutal entry. It reveals more about us as a culture: conflict-avoidant, emotionally stunted, and obsessed with preserving our peace at the cost of others’ clarity, than it does about love itself.
But maybe that’s where the shift needs to happen. A breakup, when done with kindness and honesty, can still hurt, but it at least gives closure. The person who dares to walk away also owes the decency of a conversation. As Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at Seeking.com, reminds us, “Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty. Being upfront shows you know what you want and that you respect the other person’s time.”
The artist might disappear after creating his masterpiece. But in relationships, you owe your partner a signature on the canvas before you shred it.
Images: Google Images
Sources: Economic Times, Hindustan Times, USA Today
Find the blogger: Katyayani Joshi
This post is tagged under: modern dating, banksying, breakup culture, emotional manipulation, dating in India, ghosting, passive-aggressive relationships, dating app toxicity, mental health, relationship psychology, communication in love
Disclaimer: We do not claim any rights or copyrights over the images used, as they have been sourced from Google. If the owner requires credits or removal, please kindly email us.
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