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Delhi Aunty gets seat in the UN Security Council after asking member countries to ‘adjust’


Countries were thrown into a tizzy on Thursday after the UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon announced the newest member of the UN Security Council, Mrs. Seeta Thakkar, resident of Rajouri Garden, New Delhi.

“We are very pleased to welcome the 16th member and 6th Permanent member of the UNSC, Mrs. Thakkar. She would be representing her colony, Lovely Home Apartments, as well as the Indian middle class. We wish her all the success and would also like to wish her son Bunty all the best for his IIT-JEE exams”, the Sec Gen said in a statement issued by his office.

I'm getting too old for this

The statement also included a congratulatory note for Mrs Thakkar, after her daughter Francesca Beatrice Thakkar broke the national record for the most number of days spent in Delhi without being eve-teased, the previous record being 3 days.

The story behind Mrs. Thakkar’s rise to prominence is an intriguing and peculiar one which demonstrates to the world what a thick-skinned person with shameless perseverance can achieve. We bring to you how it all transpired.

The UNSC was involved in an engrossing discussion on one of the several hundred conflicts going on in the Middle East. The United States was just about to exercise its 1933399th veto when there was a petulant knock on the door. Before the Chairperson or the Protocol Officer could react, the door opened and the unusually imposing 5’5 frame of Mrs Thakkar came into view. She ambled into the room, which was now enveloped in deafening silence. The flabbergasted delegates looked at each other in evident horror, as many of them had lived in Delhi during their tenures as diplomats and were well acquainted with this kind.

When asked by the Chairperson what she was doing, she just replied, “Nothing”, and then shot an accusatory glance at the Lithuanian delegate. The delegate of Lithuania squirmed in his seat, but her gaze was unwavering. It was a battle between the ancient nation of Lithuania and the even more ancient Indian tradition of usurping seats by asking people to adjust.

Soon, the Lithuanian’s poise began to crumble and he shifted ever so slightly. Mrs. Thakkar sensed this chink in the Security Council’s armour, and made herself comfortable, albeit at the cost of the comfort of the other delegates.

What's in a name

On realising that the lady was in no mood to leave anytime soon, Ban-Ki-Moon called for his personal assistant to bring a comfortable reclining chair from the market, which was then offered to Mrs. Thakkar as a ‘permanent’ seat in the UN Security Council.

The Indian Foreign Ministry congratulated Mrs. Thakkar for having finally achieved what every Indian Foreign minister since time immemorial has failed at achieving and accolades began pouring in from everywhere, including the veritable Residents Welfare Association of Lovely Home Apartments.

Riding on this wave of triumphalism, many news channels including the most scrupulous of them all, India TV, ran special reports. India TV, in particular, telecast a 7 hour long marathon on how aliens had visited Lovely Home Apartments. The same was interspersed with low quality video clippings from Sci-fi masterpieces like Mars Attacks and Koi Mil Gaya.

When asked what are her aims and expectations from this prestigious office that she occupies, she replied, “Bring down the prices of onions and LPG cylinders”.

On this fateful day, the United Nations flag was lowered to Half-mast as the center of global power shifted to the Indian middle class, duly represented by the indomitable Mrs. Thakkar, mother of Bunty, IIT aspirant.

Manaved Nambiar
Manaved Nambiar
I read. I write. I play. I travel.


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