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There are two versions of an Indian house- the one you actually live in and the one that appears when someone says, “Guests are coming.”
The first one has clothes on chairs, cushions lying wherever they were last thrown and a dining table that has slowly become a permanent storage facility.
The second one?
Five-star hotel.
The moment we hear that guests are coming, everyone suddenly develops an interest in housekeeping.
“Pick that up.”
“Clean the bathroom.”
“Put the cushions properly.”
“Why is this lying here?”
The same thing has been lying there for three weeks. Nobody cared. But apparently, now that someone from outside is coming, it has become a matter of national importance.
And then there is the cleaning.
We don’t just clean the house. We clean “places that nobody will ever look at.”
That shelf behind the sofa? Clean it.
The top of the cupboard? Clean it.
The fan? Of course, clean the fan.
Because what if the guest suddenly decides to inspect our ceiling?
The bathroom gets the kind of cleaning usually reserved for crime scenes. Towels are replaced. Soap is upgraded. Toilet paper is positioned with the precision of a luxury hotel.
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And then comes the crockery.
The good crockery.
The plates that have been sitting inside the cupboard for years because they’re “for guests.”
Who exactly are we saving them for? The British royal family?
We eat from the slightly chipped plates every day, but the moment guests arrive, suddenly we’re serving biscuits on something that looks like it has a family heirloom status.
Then comes the food. “Let’s not make too much. Just something simple.”
This sentence has never once ended with something simple. Suddenly there are snacks, namkeen, sweets, fruit, tea, coffee and at least one dish nobody even asked for.
And when the guests finally arrive, they inevitably say- “Arre, you shouldn’t have done so much!”
Of course we shouldn’t have.
But this is an Indian household. We have already cleaned the house like you’re staying for a month, cooked like you’re a wedding party and hidden the laundry like it’s classified information.
And the funniest part?
The guests probably don’t notice any of it. They just walk in, sit down and say, “Don’t make anything, we’re not hungry.”
At which point every person in the house silently looks at the mountain of food.
Five-star hotel, indeed.
With complimentary guilt.
Sources: Blogger’s own opinion
Find the blogger: @diptisadh
This post is tagged under: breakfast babble, guests, Indian household, guests are coming, Indian culture, Indian family, house cleaning, guests at home, Indian household habits, relatable Indian content, funny Indian habits, five star hotel, desi humour, Indian lifestyle, relatable rant
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