Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions to him/her and in return receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake. Duh! Put your hands together for the talk of the town: MILEY CYRUS!
*significant groaning in the audience*
ED: Hey Miley! How’re you doing?
Miley Cyrus: I’m great thanks! The stuff i smoked last night was lit and is still giving me the kicks.
ED: Uh, this is national media and what you just said tantamounts to you admitting to doing drugs
Miley: Do I look like I give two hoots about it? It’s my wish, really.
ED: But you’re a role model to many young kids and impressionable teens out there!
Miley (getting really agitated): Hey, I don’t care okay? I am so done being little-miss-perfect throughout my teens like, what even?! I don’t want to be any role model. I want to go out and have my share of fun. The Miley that you guys knew in Hannah Montana is DEAD. And about time too. I was getting sick of that image.
ED: So, about Hannah Montana…how was your experience working on that show?
Miley (rolling eyes): Like I haven’t answered this question a hundred times already! See, I’ll be honest here. Initially, when I was younger, it used to be really attractive. I enjoyed working on the sets of Hammah Montana a lot. But more than that, i totally soaked up all the attention and fame I was getting. It was legit amazing until i grew up a little.
ED: What changed when you grew up?
Miley: It was like, I couldn’t breathe even without being compared to Hannah. Hannah is supposed to be a fictional character! And Miley is supposed to be the real me. It was really frustrating losing my identity to a fictional singer. It was as if Miley didn’t even exist anymore. It was all totally Hannah this, Hannah that. Every step I took, I thing I did, I was being judged. I couldn’t date a guy I liked out of fear of losing my role-model status.
ED: Is that why you go overboard with trying to not be Hannah Montana?
Miley (getting really angry): OH YES! CALL MILEY A DRAMATIC FREAK BECAUSE HEY, WHY NOT? (calming down after two sips of a liquid which lookslike water but with her record, one can’t be too sure) How can you just tell somebody they’re going overboard without ever knowing what causes them to act that way? Ugh, I hate the paparazzi because of people like you.
ED: Well, you can’t really blame us. You’ve done a lot of weird things especially when it comes to your tongue and butt.
Miley (getting all excited): So glad you asked this. I don’t know why people have a problem with my tongue and twerking. Hey, don’t you know twerking is an art form? I’m so proud of my VMA 2013 performance! And there were people who were comparing it to soft-core porn. What even.
ED: Do you have to say something about your tongue?
Miley: It’s my most favorite part of the body (sticks out tongue). Have you seen how big it is and how perfectly pink? I could lick you right now and know that you’ll love it. My tongue has been places (winks).
ED: No thanks I’m good, Miley. Why are we not getting to hear any good music anymore?
Miley: Of course, my music is good! Party in the USA was on top of the charts and Wrecking Ball won a VMA! Right now, I’m concentrating on a spiritual high and also trying to devise this really crazy underwear-cum-stage-costume. You guys have seen me in my undies on stage, now maybe a little latex to spice up things.
ED (thoroughly grossed out inside my head): Okay thank you Miley, that will be all.
*poses for the camera grabbing her crotch and sticking out her tongue at weird angles*
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