If you are going to marry a man, first make him use internet explorer AND drive on U.P. roads.
Here, I have summed up what exactly are the #feels of driving in India: U.P.
1. The day begins with coming out of your house and finding your vehicle covered in a thick layer of dust. By the sheer thickness of it, you want to ask your mum if there had been a volcanic eruption last night.
2. The drive is less like a drive and more like a mission. A mission happening likely on Mars than on Earth.
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3. Our journey begins with potholes the size of Mariana trench and manhole covers protruding at heights to give the Everest a major inferiority complex.
4. People here have self-assumed the right to dig anywhere and anytime. Roadside work or construction is indicated with technology so ahead of our time that it seems completely crazy to a normal human being. Instead of reflectors to mark dug-ups and ‘men at work’, we have two petite branches of a mango tree as the set protocol for the same.
5. Moving ahead, you wish you either had the eyes of an eagle but I’d suggest you’d develop the sonar of a dolphin. Anyone can turn or appear anywhere. Don’t even dare to think that if the road is “one way” then you needn’t look at the other side while crossing the road. Look left, right, centre, roll your eyes, use your sonar and then cross the road.
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6. Cars and bikes manufacturers should really consider removing the indicators from the vehicles altogether and bringing down the prices. The last time someone used an indicator here was in the 343 BC and every once in a while you’ll come across an Einstein who will indicate left then turn right. So, basically, you are a moron if you follow the lights and never go by your intuition.
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7. If the condition of the roads and the extra-terrestrial road sense wasn’t enough to give your grey matter a trauma, we have VIP vehicles that are not only bullet-proof but also law-proof.
8. If you wake up one day and don’t feel like abiding by law and traffic rules, the drill is easy. Get yourself an SUV, get tinted windows, get some pressure horns blowing and last but not least get the ruling political party’s flag up on the front bumper with pride. Voila! Your car is law proof too. Go have fun parking in no parking spots, driving on the wrong side, forget about the speed limit, you might as well rob the world bank and run away in U.P.
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9. For the people on two-wheelers, life is more or less going to be a war every day. The number of rocks, potholes, dust, VIP vehicles to knock you down are enough to give an average Joe goose bumps. And if that wasn’t enough then anybody can open the window and spit a litre load of paan at you without any guilt. And you better shove your anger up your ass and move on instead of having someone shoot you in broad daylight for their own mistake.
10. Also, bike riders in U.P are skilled multi-taskers. They can talk on the phone, scratch their back, click selfies and check out a girl 100 metres away all simultaneously without causing any accident (mostly).
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11. Wearing helmets and seat belt in U.P. are as alien concepts as ‘No Honking’ in India.
12. Lastly, the number of animals on the roads, especially cows are going to make you feel like an impending Rise Of The Planet Of Cows. But that’s a symbol of a great religion and shouldn’t be moved anywhere to safety. Instead, just be let alone and eat as much plastic as they can.
