“Here’s to the hearts that ache, here’s to the mess we make…”
Why is it difficult to get over something you ‘almost’ had than the one you actually did? Perhaps there is no one to answer this question or answer it correctly, so to say.
A relationship, a fascinating love affair, a lifetime I could have spent with the one I almost thought I had a chance with. That’s what we all say to ourselves when we think of the love we can never have.
Maybe it’s love, but ‘maybe’
Can you love a person you never really dated, you never really had?
One sided love is when those feelings though hardly wished for are never returned, but what about the feelings which are in fact built upon the premise of a possibility from the other end? Or are reciprocated the same way?
What happens when you invest emotions and feelings and the other person returns back those feelings but only nearly, never enough?
So you never know what’s happening. It may or may not turn out to be something. You never really date that person and maybe you never can, and it is getting on you.
You really don’t have to ‘date someone’ to love them just as you don’t have to for being hurt. Love happens, after all.
But love should be unconditional, not unreasonable. Let the other person give you reasons to love him/her, real reasons, no maybes or possibilities.
Otherwise, you are letting yourself go deep into the tunnel of love and there’s no coming back.
Why does it hurt more?
Heartbreak and getting hurt is similarly painful in all kinds of situations. What is different here though is the realization of the fact that all that you did or cared for was for nothing, nothing at all. Because the seed you are sowing will never really grow into a tree.
Hurts more because the realization of ‘never getting the one’ drives you crazy.
The other person is like a drug and when you try to get over them you obviously have withdrawal symptoms.
You start losing yourself, you think too much and all this starts taking a toll on your health.
Also read: Not All Soulmates Are Romantic
Why should you move on?
You keep listening now and then, ‘Try to move on!’, ‘Get over this’.
But it’s difficult and only the one, who goes through it, knows it. Without questioning the amount of pain you’ve had from your unrequited love moving over is necessary because there exist real and important reasons you should immediately try to get over this person.
It’s because the more you remain attached the more toxic for you it becomes. And then you hit the ground.
Dating expert Jen Kirsch says, “We tend to give away ourselves, our feelings, and our emotions too easily these days. This is a result of how accessible everybody is at all times.”
Stop trying hard when you have enough reason that it’s not going to be.
How to move on?
How to move on? Who will help me? Should I ask my friend? Or should I head to a counselor?
You know each person you’ll go to will tell you to stop crying over him/her, stop obsessing about him/her and stop speculating the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘maybes’.
Among other things what is considered really helpful by many is to find a new relationship.
All of it is fine but before that;
Have you accepted that it’s a no? If not then that is the first thing to do. It’s not a rejection it’s just an impossibility and you cannot change it.
Grieve, after all, it’s a heartbreak, it sure does hurt.
Understand that it is not a mistake. Clinical Psychologist Ben Michaelis told Medical Daily, “Unrequited love can be a helpful, even critical part of people’s journeys. The road of personal development and the creation of a healthy, reciprocal relationship is a process, which requires learning about who you are and what you need in order to be happy.”
It’s not a mistake, it’s life
Set priorities, care about people who care for you too. Obsessing over someone you so cared about and he or she just didn’t care enough is painful. Yes, that’s right, so it’s time to think about all other relationships you have ignored and cared less for all this while. Focus on them.
Set priorities in life. It’s not the end of the world and he/she wasn’t certainly the last one on it.
Image Credits: Google Images