The Best Worst Possible Advice For Teenagers

What is the best way to get through to people?

Like Abraham Lincoln* said, “The best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question; it’s to post the wrong answer.”

And my first-hand experience backs this up. All thanks to some next level advanced reverse psychology or something else that’s equally bizarre.

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Many of you are still transitioning out of your teens, I know horrible right? Maybe you yourself are not completely in the “correct” headspace. Maybe you have younger siblings looking up to you. How can you be effective role models for teenagers?

You don’t want to overdo it, of course. You want to keep up with your uber-cool persona. Obviously. So I painstakingly scrawled the interwebs and enlisted the help of the awesome Reddit community to highlight totally bad advice you could give to teenagers and young adults.

Make no mistake, this is absolutely terrible, the worst possible advice you could impart to young impressionable minds. But trust me, it’ll work. (If it doesn’t, well then maybe don’t take life advice from the internet in the future.)

1Follow Zuckerberg and <Insert Famous Person Here>

Nothing bad can come from dropping out of school. I mean, it worked for all those people, right? Life’s too short for finishing school. Plus, you already know everything you will possibly ever need. Do what the greats did — drop out and figure things later. This is the real recipe for success. While you’re at it, make grand plans with your sweetheart. Is that too fast? Maybe. But this is 2017 and everything happens quicker now.

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2Take More Credit

You heard it, people. Credit Card companies are dumb as hell. They don’t know what they are doing so why should you? Sign up for all of them. Credit cards, gift cards, to-meh-to, to-mah-to. Same difference, right? Taking control of your finances is overrated. Plus, where’s the fun in being responsible and mature, that’s adult-speak for boring. Go buy the iPhone 8, 9 or X or whatever they are calling it now.

3It’s All About You 24/7

That’s right. Live in the moment. You are the main character of your life. Forget hormones and peer pressure, HIGH SCHOOL IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. Yes, everyone is totally fixated on you so be sure not to f*ck it up. Good luck.

4Making Smart Career Choices

Why keep up with the economy? That’s some boring ass sh*t accountants and grumpy old professors talk about. Why bother investing in personal development. Take out a few hundred thousand dollars in loans and coast for a few years in a major that your friends are taking. Will automation take over jobs? Impossible. Have you ever used a self-checkout machine? Robots are dumb.

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5Pick Up an Addiction

It’s 2017. Smoking is cool again if you didn’t know. Lung cancer is a thing of the past, right? What the hell have all these scientists been doing all the time? Y’all better 3D print me a new lung if you have to. How else am I supposed to show that I make horrible lifelong decisions and easily succumb to peer pressure? It’s called being social.

Bonus Round: No need to work on your mental or emotional well being, that’s what all these prescription drugs are for. Why miss out on the fun?

*Before y’all get your pitchforks out, I know this is the Cunningham’s Law. I couldn’t resist.

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