Guess what happened when I tried to mess with the patriarchal idiots and their fragile masculinity? The Pandora’s Box of misogyny, sexism, hatred, ignorance and TOXIC MASCULINITY blasted open.

A comedian, Sorabh Pant had shared a photo of a survey conducted by The Indian Express asking whether or not marital rape should be criminalised. 62% of the people said ‘Yes’, a whopping 30% said ‘No’ and 8% said ‘Can’t Say’.

Sorabh Pant also wondered as to who were these 30% people who were taking a stand for rape and he shared a comment on The Indian Express’ post that explained it all.

This person highlighted what half of India and our present Government thinks about marital rape. For them, the institution of marriage is so ‘sacred’ that it is impossible for them to acknowledge the existence of marital rape. But mind you, this is only restricted to the ‘Sanskari Indian society’ and not people from the Western countries who are promiscuous just by the virtue of being born in those countries.

I made a comment on Sorabh Pant’s post highlighting as to how fragile the masculinity of these men is that they can’t take a simple ‘No’ for an answer and the wife has to lie about a headache.

What followed is a stream of misogynistic comments and a clear manifestation of the sick (for the lack of a better word) mentality of some people in our society.

I made this comment at night and woke up in the morning only to see a stream of replies to my comment of how a ‘stranger can rape a woman but a husband can’t’ because of course, he is THE HUSBAND.

People in comment section jumped to teach me a lesson about the duties of a ‘good wife’.

Another fellow pointed out that, “A stranger forcing sex and a husband forcing sex are not the same.” This while he was completely ignorant about the fact that he used the word ‘forcing’ in both the situations which defeated his point. But obviously, there exist such feather-brained humans who cannot comprehend a simple ‘No’.

One man came in support of my argument and condemning the two guys who commented before this while explaining to them the concept of ‘consent’. He clearly quoted, “Love does not mean sex.” Framing it better, I can interpret it to mean that one does not owe sex to you if you are married to them or you love them.

Exactly! How can they silently tolerate this?
Exactly! How can they silently tolerate this?

Although I do not appreciate the language this person used to back my argument because it defeated the entire point of respecting someone else’s position.

Sometime later, these two camps gave each other threats of violence and used a horribly inappropriate language for each other.

Interestingly, some third person in between posed a question for me about my marital status.

Because my marital status will determine my opinion about rape.

Indeed! If I have given in to the sacred institution of marriage then I will worship my husband, irrespective of the fact that he treats me like shit.

I refused to tell him but he insisted on knowing it over and over again. This person highlighted that he asked, “Cause a lot of people who are unmarried are the ones crying about ‘Marital rape’.”

At this point, the first person whose comment had been shared by Sorabh Pant, jumped into the argument and advised me to go back to school (in capital letters) because I thought that consent is required for ‘her duties’.

Here, he enlightened me by saying that ‘forcing’ after marriage is ‘NOT’ rape.

Fellow number 2 came back in the game and said, “If a wife wants to worship her husband, what’s your problem. I think it’s not your business to poke nose everywhere.”

This comment took the cake for me.
This comment took the cake for me.

I tried to leave the discussion there because I knew that I am banging my head against a wall. I tried ending the argument saying I won’t be convinced with the sh*t he is trying to convey. But he did not stop.

The knowledge these people have I tell you, never ending. He enlightened me by saying that not once has he met a woman who accuses her husband of rape, however, he has seen a lot of women complaining that their husband isn’t interested in them. As if it is something to be proud of.

We men don’t even bother looking at our wives, huh!

The discussion went on for really long where I was abused, called names like ‘feminazi’ and ‘gold digger’.  Not that I expected anything different from such people.

Hypocrisy level over 10000!
Hypocrisy level over 10000!

But this altercation reminded me of the fact that making our society understand that a woman has the right over her body is not an easy job.

Here I was thinking, that our society is making some progress. But nah!

This society is inherently misogynist and refuses to recognise a woman (a wife specifically) as a person who has a life and existence of her own.

I was told that only when a woman earns can she complain of rape but when a man is ‘providing her protection’, ‘feeding her’ and ‘offering finances’, she has no right to call him out for rape. In short, you pay her and she gives you sex as and when required. If you don’t, only then can she refuse sex to you.

Basically, you pay your wife for sex.

TRY AND DIGEST HOW DISTURBING THIS IDEA IS!

The discussion is continuing even now as I write this article where people are teaching each other the duties of a ‘real wife’.

The entire altercation is an encapsulation of the twisted ideas our society holds about marital rape and the status of women in general.

And you wonder why we need feminism?

But there is a lot that I gained from this discussion. I understood what a ‘good marriage’ means. Who is a ‘good wife’?

Since I am not married, I will never know the meaning of ‘sacrificing oneself for their partner’ and by ‘oneself’, I mean the woman of course.

I know you are thinking that I should have left the fight in the comment section, people are idiots and I should ignore such people (which I mostly do).

But what bothered me to my core today that these are young men who are going to get married some or the other day and some of them are married already and have daughters.

I wish this reaches their wives and daughters. I wish this spreads far and wide for everyone to see.

We still live in this mess. We are still stuck in the ideologies created a thousand years ago.

Now tell me whether our society has progressed or not?

Tell me that I need to be a ‘good wife’?

Tell me I need to ‘discharge my duties to my husband’ by providing him sex that he pays me for.

But don’t take me wrong, this fight did not demoralise me. It made my will to fight even stronger.

Their patriarchy will be directly proportional to my feminism!

P.S. There were a lot of things said on that comment thread that I couldn’t share because of the use of inappropriate language.

TabloiED Credits: ^: Prateek Gupta


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27 COMMENTS

  1. cant believe SICK sickos like this still exist in our society !
    ITS HER DUTY ??? r u effin kiddin me ??
    so just cuz u r married u could do anything with her ??? what are we scapegoats ?
    and oh apparently we are gold diggers ? how abt men like you who penalize women for dowry ?
    @jagannath sahu u talk about providing your wife ? im damn sure she did not come empty handed to your house. forget all that…cant you think of her as a human being with her own rights. U claim shes happy even if u force yourself on her…i call it helplessness.
    worship is done out of respect and if u want tht respect u should respect women too, not use it as a goddamn excuse for your inability to control your hormones.

  2. Thanks for putting it out there and sharing navneet :) Conflict of interest, but at least we know what women with similar views like us should look out for and women who are in favour of worshipping their better half in return for financial support, protection etc, and find this ideal for them should go after. Everyone have been brought up in very different environments which influences our thinking. The moral approach to things however is that when someone does not feel comfortable towards something and says no, regardless of of the gender, people expect a certain level of understanding towards that situation because thats the right thing to do and you would definitely want that from your life partner. Thats what you call the feeling of love which results to marriage. But lets not disinclude the fact that some marriages are present in the format of a business deal or a give and take relationship and its a mutual one where you come across scenarios like this. Just differences in opinion and thinking but you’re right, wouldn’t life be beautiful if we were all on one page :)

    • Thank You for your comment. :)

      But I am not able to understand why you mentioned ‘conflict of interest’.

      From whatever I understand out of your comment, I would like to highlight again that opposing marital rape does mean that I am against the institution of marriage. In fact, assuming that while opposing marital rape, I will be opposed to the institution of marriage as well, is grossly wrong.

      Indeed marriage is a give and take but when someone says that the husband gives money and wife will, therefore, need to provide sex as and when required, I believe that is plain offensive.

      Being brought up in different environments is not a substantial argument to justify any sort of violence in a marriage.

      That is all that I tried to say.

  3. The myth of ‘ MARITAL RAPE ‘ and how media / feminists wants you to believe for their vested AGENDA

    1. The first myth :: IPC 375/376 legalises ‘ MARITAL RAPE ‘ :: Absolutely no , its a blatant lie by stooges of #feminism . Just Google the IPC 375/376 and check MARITAL exception clause . It states , ” Sexual intercourse by a man with his wife above 15 years is not RAPE ” .It clearly mentioned as normal sexual intercourse , not FORCEFUL ! , hence its marital sex ( not marital rape ) . Note :: Age of consent is been kept at 15 to coincide it with religious sharia laws which allows marriage upon PUBERTY

    2. Myth :: Surprise sex :: RAPE ! .
    Absolutely NO !! . In India arranged marriages are very common and often random unknown boys / girls are married to each other .Their parents consent first , followed by partners CONSENT at the marriage altar . So on first night of marriage , if groom INCITES the reluctant bride , its a SURPRISE SEX , not rape . Bride though uncomfortable initially , facilitates it later with increased STIMULAI , the bride surrenders willfully . Its NATURAL and how the HETERO SEXUALITY works ! . Often Groom finds out bride is not virgin ( absence of hymen ) , this not addressed and victimises / traumatises man which is fraud / cheating of first kind . More often husbands go threw depression . Feminists are silent on this , calling it as ‘ empowered ‘ kind

    3. Media says every 2 in 3 married girls r forced in a marriage !! Isnt it a joke !? Or does that mean 80 percent of indian population is born out of ‘ rapists’!?. Its a sick and absurd propaganda by feminists , exaggerating the myths to spread #misandry.

    4. Another propaganda , consent is needed even for married couples . Again a illogical argument , as marriage equals consent , and no couple ( married or unmarried) sign the CONSENT FORMS before every sexual activity . The peeping tom kind of feminists now actively into vigilantism , want to peep in bedroom and assume whats happening ! . Why bother other partners or don’t they trust their husbands itself ?! , then why the hell they got married!? . Wife can simply walk out in case of any violence , nobody can force her to stay with husband and get abused . Get divorced and do not ask alimony , earn yourself

    5. One of the biggest reason for drafting ‘ marital rape ‘ bill will b the privilege for a wife to commit adultery . With such laws she can easily deny sex to husband , and stray with her boyfriend . If husband objects , he will be threatened with ‘MARITAL RAPE ‘ FIR .

    I hope real men and women realise this deep infestations and save the family system from devastation creating social chaos

    #MaritalRape #feminism

  4. Firstly. Ms. Arora you have to be open for discussion.. Every where every person has their duty and responsibilities.. Towards their family and society.. No one can deny.. If we are deny from our duty then we are wrong no other side person.. If you don’t want sex then don’t get marry.. Because everyone one
    aware about what is married life… Yes.. If a woman sick and doctor advise don’t do sex definitely husband wl understand.. But if everyday wife is making excuse to avoid sex for her personal intentions then here wife is wrong.. She is harass to her man…

    @paxon fettel.. I hope you are dumb.. If you are participating in public discussion platform you have to be ready to know everybody have their personal views… If you are telling about job or smthng personal thing I clearly say u r fool and uneducated person who never see the world in your work place people see ur behavior, ur manner and your work strength not your personal view on smthng… So please I hope you don’t understand wat is family then I wl suggest you be a good social worker and don’t destroy anyone self respect and their family..

    • Ms. Gupta. It worries me that even women in our lovely country think this way. If a woman (or a man) is hesitant or reluctant to have sex with their partner on a regular basis, there is a problem within the marriage or relationship. A problem that most well educated and well reasoned people will say is bigger and more important to address than “the duty of sex”.

  5. Solution-

    Start the awesome wide angle front facing camera of your costly smartphone, then both husband and spouse show their ID cards to the camera, then they say we both consent to have sex with each other at this time as per this standard time, at this address.
    Moreover there should be a special app sponsored by the government which records the video and scans the ID cards at the same time. Then it will say – “Happy Intercourse” which can be used as evidence of consent in the court.

    The entire act of marriage is the so obvious consent of sex. In marriage sex cannot be denied but only delayed. That too reasonably.

    It should be a serious offense to unreasonably deny sex again and again by either of the spouses.
    A yes means yes!

    Moreover,
    Marital Rape is a already a crime in India and covered under 4 laws: IPC 377 (Unnatural Sex), PWDVA 2005 (Domestic Violence Act of India, covers Sexual Violence), IPC 376 (covers separated Husband’s rape on Wife), IPC 498A (Cruelty by Husband – Covers every kind of Cruelty).

    If you don’t wanna do it, just get a divorce already. Ahh shit but alimony. And prenups are not valid in India…
    Well I guess that means then Indian men shouldn’t marry at all. It’s legally a lose-lose situation for them.
    Better to obtain citizenship of some other country and marry a foreigner.

    • Sir, please try and marry a foreigner and force her to have sex after that, you will be deported to india in no time. Which will be good for people like you since you’ll have many such imbeciles supporting your primitive ideas.

  6. Ms. Arora, I’m glad you wrote this article. It brings to the forefront not only men, but I’m sorry to say, even women who do not understand the meaning of simple terms such as “marriage” “duty” “love” and “consent” (not necessarily in that order).

  7. This is how you give life to the term ‘Presstitudes’. What is more important, Reporting or rabid feminist propaganda? Does the idea of maintaining median sense become extinct after the advent of the your kind of writers. From where does the so-called concept of marital rape comes from? It is shocking that there are people who believe of marriage in terms of rape which is a shocking and needs to be condemned. The presenters of this idea may relish thinking that the all that are born to a married couple are a result of rape. We don’t! Wonder what they think of all born out of wedlock. They are weird and their minds are infected by rabid feminism. People who believe in martial rape should not marry or opt out of marriage by divorce without alimony. Why do women want to marry if they don’t want to have a physical relationship. Just to get their bills paid. Agreed there may be times of physical or mental infirmity. Or religious taboo, but that is in exception and not to rule. The logic of the proponents of the Law against Marital Rape is influenced by the feminist hate book that pictures men as animals and women as born saints. They have created an imaginary, make believe world in which a woman shall not take any hostile action against her husband if the husband does not indulge in physical violence. The Government should see reality. Courts are flooded with cases under SEC 498A, D V Act etc. vast majority of which are proven to be false, filed with the intent to harass, abuse blackmail husband for money property etc, in the worse cases they have been used to cover up adultery, infidelity and silence opposition by the husband and in-laws. Mob violence has been instigated to intimidate the In-laws family. All possible because the husband can be put in jail and his life wreaked in the long drawn court proceedings that drain him financially, psychologically, socially etc. The husband has to report for repeated inquiry while the wife has nothing to do after writing a piece of paper called compliant. Women protection Laws have been framed keeping in mind the trauma causing state of affairs of the Indian Judiciary that inflict more abuse on under trials than that actually suffered by convicts. Thats why the women does not have the burden of proving the crime along with the complaint and on her mere complaint alone the husband is arrested. Keep alone physical violence anything said can be misconstrued as mental cruelty to pack off a husband to jail. It is a strange kind of Orwellian environment being built up that has killed the institution of marriage and family. This law of marital rape is meant to add to the list of legal weapons to blackmail and arm twist men into following diktats of women primarily aimed at appeasement for winning women’s votes. This law must not pass given the manner of investigation and treatment of under trials and the state of affairs of the judiciary. We have had enough feminist vendetta in the name of empowerment of women.

  8. What a sad sick world we have come to. A woman trying to protect her and other women’s integrity is called a “lesbian Feminazi”, and men committing these crimes are victims.

    And for the information of all you misinformed sops, many feminists are in relationships with thinking intelligent men and women who’s mental health and integrity far surpasses your own.

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