Before you read our roller coaster interview with the legend himself Baba Ramdev, let me give you a little disclaimer about a content style at ED Times which we refer to as “Fake Friendly Fridays”. Here:
Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it, let me make it clear: THIS IS A FAKE INTERVIEW ONLY WRITTEN AS A HUMOROUS PIECE. ALL IN GOOD FUN. READ ON AND LAUGH!
ED: “Ladies and gentlemen and our dear bhakt jano! Welcome the legendary business tycoon and Yoga guru, representing Compton’s ghetto and weighing exactly 25 kilograms! The one, the only, Baba Ramdev!”
*chants of “Jai Ho Baba Ki” heard all across the room, much to our dismay*
Baba Ramdev: “Bohot boht shukriya ED Times, thank you for accepting my forceful attempt to get my interview published on your blog!”
ED: “Well, meh. So Baba Ramdev, we’ve seen the Yoga videos and seen the stunts on TV. What keeps you going and what keeps your energy level up?”
Baba Ramdev: “Bro, first of all, let me just say that Patanjali roxx and all else suxx. I use my self-made, self synthesized, totally FDA unapproved and unsafe Patanjali products ranging from dietary supplements to laxatives to keep this body in shape and stay happy because YOGO. You Only Yoga Once.”
*visibly annoyed interviewer felt like flipping his chair*
ED: “What inspired you to launch the Patanjali brand?”
Baba Ramdev: “The idea actually struck me when I was doing Kapalbhati Pranayama. Here, check this out.”
*starts shaking his stomach weirdly*
ED: “Baba, stop it and come to the point.”
Baba Ramdev: “My apologies, haan toh main keh raha tha that I got this idea while doing Kapalbhati that I needed to stash some moolah once I retire and I’ve never really liked Maggi. So, I launched a false propaganda against Nestle, got Maggi banned and launched my Patanjali noodles. Before you know it, I was on the branding of all household items like toothpaste, dietary supplements, hair oils, biscuits (even I don’t eat that shit, though) and much more. Wanna know how?”
ED: “Okay, how?”
Baba Ramdev: “Because YOGO, my boy. You Only Yoga Once.”
*the interviewer still trying to control himself from scissor kicking this dude*
ED: “Moving on to your extensive PR campaigns and your recent attempts to judge a talent show. What and how made that happen?”
Baba Ramdev: “If Chetan Bhagat can be a shit writer and judge Nach Baliye, why can’t I be a Yoga guru and a businessman with a turnover of over 500 crore and judge a talent show?”
*following this, the interviewer sent his resume for an internship at Patanjali Group Of Institutions*
ED: “Well, you do make a good point. So what are your future plans with Patanjali?”
Baba Ramdev: “I’m gonna make another video with Shilpa Shetty, fully sponsored by Patanjali.”
ED: “That sounds great. Does it include new Yoga positions?”
Baba Ramdev: “Nah, bruhh! I was talking about making a music video for my upcoming song in my upcoming album titled, “Yoga Se Hi Hoga”!
ED: “Kya hoga?”
Baba Ramdev: “That’s for you to find out.”
*winks coyly at the interviewer, only to be greeted with a poker face reaction*
ED: “We can see why the women (and now, men) are scared of you. Moving on, you recently said sex education in schools should be replaced with Yoga education as a measure to counter AIDS. Heavy words. Why?”
Baba Ramdev: “Well, of course. How else do you prevent or cure AIDS? Using condoms? No. Using Antiretroviral therapy? No. You do Yoga right after coitus and all your problems are gone because Yoga is the best medicine of them all and Patanjali noodles provide you all the goodness of taste and no MSG and lead, if you know what I mean.”
ED: “So much for being subtle in product placement but we’re gonna wrap this interview, right here. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us with the legend himself, Sri Sri Ramdev Baba 25 Kilo Ke Weight Waaley on this exclusive interview. Do tune in next month for another chunky funky edition of your favorite ED Times segment, FAKE FRIENDLY FRIDAYS! Good night and take care!”
Baba Ramdev: “And kids, remember the most important mantra to make it big in life.”
*finally hoping he says something nice and positive*
Baba Ramdev: “YOGO. You Only Yoga Once.”
ED: “Baba, stop it! Thank you ladies and gentlemen, see you next month! YOLO!”
Here’s hoping you liked the FAKE INTERVIEW, folks!
Want us to do more such articles? Let us know in the comments below!
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