In need of some sun, sea and Jihad? Look no further.’

So went the Islamic State ‘tourism’ brochure that went viral a few years ago. Promising the above, as well as activities such as swimming and beekeeping, the IS Brochure was as bizarre as propaganda tool as any. Now, how is this ‘tourist’ hotspot doing today? Not very good, apparently.

3 Islamic Fighters were confirmed to have been killed by wild boars, also known as Eurasian Pigs. Let that sink in. Yes, IS Fighters were killed by a bunch of rampaging pigs.

First off, please understand that my mocking tone isn’t a sign of me being dismissive of the danger posed by a wild boar. After all, Robert Baratheon, First of His Name and Ruler of the Same Kingdoms and one of the best fighters of his age was killed by one.

But seriously, wild boars?

I can’t imagine prospective IS fighters being too excited by that fate. I mean, they believe that they won’t go to heaven or be welcomed by 72 virgins if killed by Kurdish women. Where do they go now, after such a boaring death?

The news suggests that the said fighters were hiding in some thick shrubbery, waiting to attack a convoy of anti-IS fighters when they disturbed a passing herd of wild boars. Three were mauled to death, and eight others were grievously injured in an episode I’d like to call Star Porks: Attack of the Swines.

‘I learnt long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty plus, the Pig likes it.’ -George Bernard Shaw

It was also later confirmed that these swines faced the furious wrath of the IS after their fighters took their ‘revenge’. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the new sequel, Star Porks: Revenge of the Swines.

I’d hate to imagine the scale of the PR disaster IS faces after this attack. Screw drone bombing and screw targeted assassination, how do you really come back from a headline which reads ‘IS pigs killed by other pigs.’

On a PR disaster scale of Samsung to United Airlines, this episode if definitely a Trump. I can’t imagine how many sleepless nights the guy in charge of IS marketing will be having.

Also read: Has ISIS forayed into India?

What about the wild boars then? I have deep sympathy for them.

As we speak, boars in the area have been accused of being on the Israeli payroll, and I can actually imagine Mr. and Mrs. Porkinson discussing the episode over a meal of nuts, berries and earthworms, worrying over more retaliatory attacks from the Islamic State.

As a concerned citizen of the world and as the founding member of my school Porkupine Club (Membership opens this August), I’d just like to send them some hogs and kisses.

I guess plausible deniability is out of the window.

President Pinocchio, if you’ve heard this news on Fox News while on the toilet, please lend your ham-fisted support to these wild boars. They might just be the best fighting unit in the world, and they don’t mind rolling in their own shit. In the words of Farhan Akhtar, Pork On!!

Image Sources: Google Images


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