It’s here. It’s finally here. All those coffee and red bull fueled sleepless nights will be worth it at last.
I am talking about graduation day ya’ll. The convocation season is underway and a lot of you fine folks will be finally free. No more 8:30 classes, no more assignments, and thank lord no more “group projects”. We all know just how much “group” effort actually goes in finishing them.
Anyways, that’s not the point. The point is that people now expect you to be “all grown up”. How are you supposed to deal with all these “adult things” where your biggest concern is no longer having to sit through the exciting double lecture of thermodynamics without your bestie – but managing to hold down a soul-crushing 9 to 5 job?
Yeah, growing up is (not) so much FUN!
But don’t worry, I got your back. If college has taught me anything, it’s that “fake it till you make it” works. You just need to act like you have your sh*t together and you’ll be just fine.
Nothing screams more like “I am an adult” than plastic. Do yourself a favor and get a credit card from a good bank. You need a good handle on your finances if you ever plan on moving out of your parents place. And you totally should. They have put up with you for 20+ years and they deserve some peace and quiet around the house now. Besides getting them a medal for doing that, show them that you are capable of adulting and not dying by yourself.
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You need better clothes. There I said it. Your friends are not going to tell you, partly because they are not assholes and partly because they don’t know any better. Start slow and causally build up your style as you start making those fat stacks. Get some nice fitted shirts, a catch-all blazer, some nice expensive looking shoes. Mix it up with some chinos for that casual look. Grey is a really good alternative to khakis. For a more serious vibe, get a few tailored suits. Most importantly, No you are not a rapper, you can’t pull off baggy clothes. Or Ed Hardy sh*t for that matter. Just stop.
This goes for you too ladies, you need to suck it up and learn how to go through the whole day with those absolutely atrocious heels. Not always, but you never know when you might need them. Get some fitted trousers. A nice tee goes really well with midlength skirts. Summer is the perfect time to experiment with some patterns too.
I don’t know why but this seems to work. You have some “Friends” posters taped all over your bedroom? Maybe some “Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift” for you dudes? Frame them up. There you go, now you have that classy look working for you. You are no longer a kid that likes movies. No sir, you are a big time movie buff.
Better yet, pick a couple pics from the billion group selfies you have taken over the years, print them out, and get them framed. Congratulations, you are now a successful and upstanding member of our society.
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Your body needs some attention. You will no longer be walking all over campus all day. A sitting job is not going to help out either. Get a gym membership and actually move your fat ass. Plus you need to be on top of your dating game. Yeah, you need some exercise. If that’s too boring, try out squash or running.
And if that’s too much for you, do the classic old folks thing – walks. Walks are great. Early morning, late night, evenings. Doesn’t matter when. Just do something. That’s what grown-ups do. I think.
Pick up a caffeine addiction
Now this is the mark of true adulthood. Caffeine addiction. You need something good and strong to trick you into being a good mood all day. If you have worked before then you already know it. For you kids that will be doing it for the first time – oh boy, yeah you’ll be needing it.
Personally, I am a coffee person through and through. Nothing against tea. Do whatever floats your boat. Just get hooked on something. Legal preferably.
How are you navigating the awful post-college world? Share your insights and life hacks below.
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