How To Cross A Road In Delhi Traffic: A Step-by-Step (Sarcastic) Guide To Survival

By Aashna Charan

Anyone who has lived in Delhi is also well aware of the fact that its traffic is, well, INTOLERABLE. It is just so easy to become road kill quickly and people are more afraid of the city’s traffic instead of its ghosts. Want to survive? Follow these steps carefully!

STEP 1: PRAY BEFORE YOU STEP ON THE ROAD

Yup, you heard that right. Apparently praying works. Suddenly, out of the blue, you are filled with a godly confidence to even look at the road and then you can proceed to pray to the gods to help you to actually cross it. Apparently, if you pray to gods, and it’s for crossing the road in Delhi, THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN (trust me, they do).

STEP 2: LOOK ON BOTH SIDES MULTIPLE TIMES

By “multiple” times, I don’t mean twice or thrice, I MEAN MULTIPLE TIMES (I do it 10-12 times). You never know when suddenly from being the only one on the road, you find a fast moving car with loud music suddenly hitting you like a train (Badshah and yo yo honey Singh have some relationship with the car acceleration).

STEP 3: STEP UP

Take a step ahead, follow step 2 then follow step 1 and then take giant leap back, a truck has probably rushed past you by now. If you still feel like crossing the road, then proceed on to step 4.

STEP 4: GO HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROAD AND TRY TO CROSS THE REST

About halfway across the road, you will have crossed one side of the traffic and will face the other side now, I would have suggested repeating all the above steps again but you don’t have the time! So after spending 5 minutes of crying over why it takes you 10 minutes to cross a road and why you left your precious home to come here, you finally gather up the courage, look around you, mentally pray to god and with utmost caution, cross the road!

STEP 5: VICTORY DANCE

In short, don’t do it. You have probably spent 10 minutes just crossing the road, and you may have two more roads to cross, save the dance till you reach the office and unless you dance well, it is advised that you do the latter in a secluded place (make sure no one sees you, they might think you are crazy). Give yourself a treat and eat something nice (no I am not propagating junk food, you can eat whatever you want).

STEP 6: TAKE A CAB BACK HOME, PLEASE

If you don’t want to go through the same process all over again, take a cab home, it’s a genuine request. Let’s help those UBER/ OLA/ auto/ cycle rickshaw bhaiyas make some money. It would save you a lot of effort and mental peace but may cost you cash, and you will still face the traffic, only this time you will be stuck in it. But it’s better to be in an AC car than on the road right? Or maybe not, you decide.

THE PRESCRIPTION TO PERFECTION

Crossing the road is an art; not many can master it, but with practice comes experience, so I would suggest you keep practising. Try to cross at least one road every day and also take one dose of traffic-related news with breakfast.

Warning: You may feel some side effects to the news like the urge to behave like a chicken and run across the road, but try to resist it, act like a chicken and you will look like a kebab if something hits youSay no to any sort of musical device near you, music can be heard before or after and not during the road crossing, it won’t be very musical if something hits you.

The advice and steps given above are for your own safety, follow these word to word and you will survive. The roads out here aren’t safe; it’s a war zone and certainly not a paradise (no pillow talks). Behaving like a superhero and strolling across the road will definitely not help, unless you are hulk (SMASH!) or ironman, then you are indestructible. And if you are Donald Trump, please be blind to the traffic and cross the road like you own it and don’t listen to what I just said.


Image Credits: Google Images

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