Here Are 5 Major Tips Which You Need To Get On A No-Fly List In India!

As the heated debate continues on whether to put a certain Indian MP on a no-fly list of Air India airlines, it does amaze me how people can abuse their powers and not play it cool in certain situations.

The situation is wrong and highly unethical if the allegations are proven to be true but until then, I for one won’t be making any judgments right now.

Coming to flights and putting people on a no-fly list, it’s pretty weird that a corporate giant would ban the people who help it run its business and that makes it a very tautological situation to me.

Yeah sure, the offender could be anybody and his offence might not be deserving of reasonable doubt but even then, given the absurd nature of the Indian ideology of being referred to as an anti national / Pakistani agent / enemy of the state is on a high tide, the day isn’t far when all of us will face the risk of being on the no-fly list for the most ridiculous reasons.

So here are 5 of those reasons which could get you on a no-fly list in India (IF YOU CANNOT DETECT THE SARCASM IN THIS ARTICLE, YOU NEED TO BE ON THE NO-FLY LIST FOR REAL) :

1. For writing articles which don’t agree to the ideology of the ruling party and believing in stupid concepts like “freedom of speech” :

Why would Air India allow you on their precious airplanes when they know that you may write about a terrible experience which you had on their flight (which is true) or if you spoke about the failed concept of demonetization, appointment of a controversial figure as the CM, lack of credible leaders except a few and basically saying that the government lives in a roller-coaster world?

It is essentially the scum like you who sways the millennial mindset with hopes to make them more aware from the saffronized matrix of this system.

Why should you be allowed to express your opinion or to stop the rich guy from hitting on the air-hostess because “kya tu nahi jaanta ke uska baap kaun hai”?

Rich guy with political connections and you want to stop him by being the voice of reason? WOW. Balls.

Let’s start by putting you on a n0-fly list to keep you and your misguided ideals away from contained environments.

2. For indulging in PDA (Public Display Of Affection) in the airport premises or on the flight :

India is a country where pissing is legal but kissing isn’t.

This moral policing has led to multiple people being beaten up and we definitely don’t want the society’s uncultured scum to display their affection and indulge in intimacy, thereby distracting the cabin crew, the air hostesses, the stewards, the passengers, the pilots and the flight control department.

Forget about getting into the mile high club, you filthy degenerates! Get your uncultured butt in the no-fly list and stay there!

3. For being a woman :

Firstly, women on the flight are already objectified which is why is why it makes it absolutely necessary for you to enter with not an inch of your body visible to the general public.

And what if you’re raped because you wear skin-tight jeans or shorts? The blame will be on you because you wanted it, right?

So in order to save yourself from being blacklisted on national and international flights, wear full-bodied clothes because women don’t feel the summer heat. Not even a credible excuse.

4. For belonging to a different sexual orientation :

It doesn’t matter which letter of LGBTQA community you are but what does matter is that our culture is violated by the likes of you.

Pretty sure you have a disease and you need to get it checked, especially the homosexuals because that’s a characteristic which is unnatural and shouldn’t be encouraged in an allegedly culturally diverse country like India.

And we REALLY don’t want you to spread it to all the people on the plane in a contained environment so if you’re not straight, welcome to being black-listed.

5. And lastly, for not having a minimum of 10 religious songs in your play list (You uncultured swine!) :

Oh, come on!

You know religious enlightenment is necessary and for that, your mind needs to be constantly reminded about all the good things in the world which start and end with religion.

And then, we’ll embark on a journey of positive discourse and a brighter future!

Happy journey!


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