By Tanisha Tyagi
Welcome to ‘Fake’ Friendly Fridays where we interview famous personalities by asking them fake questions (for all the right reasons) to receive fake answers. This is meant for entertainment only. Don’t you dare take it seriously and get offended! This is a FAKE INTERVIEW. Though it’s a bit of a concern for me as our guest has a fetish for suing people*gets nervous*. Oh, what the hell. *nervousness wears off*
So, today our guest is Mr. Generic Trump, or just Donald Trump.
So much respect, I am definitely going to go to heaven for this. *tears of joy*
Ahem *clears throat* so, If you didn’t already find out- he has been named TIME’s “Person” of the year.
*Laughter everywhere* Shush! Thank god he hasn’t reached here yet. He likes to be late for such meetings, being the president and all, you know.
Because he probably has something more important to do before interviewing with us, like looking up ways to be more narcissistic, misogynistic, sexist, racist and big-mouthed. C’mon! This is the age where these qualities make a person TIME’s Person of the Year!! *rolls eyes*
Oh. He’s here! SHIT. (Ah, I’m probably his favourite now)
ED: Thank you Mr. Donald Trump for interviewing with us. It’s a great…pleasure.
So you’ve now been named TIME’s Person of the Year 2016, how does it make you feel?
DT: Thank you for having me. ED is grade A, I love it. By the way, you look wonderful today. And well, it feels terrific, so terrific. See, I’ve run out of adjectives already *laughs*. But I’ve been reading their magazine, also appeared on the cover in past. So you know that’s got to feel terrific.
ED: *Smiles sheepishly* definitely, and terrific it is. So, Mr. Donald Trump, what do you think it is about you, which makes you TIME’s Person of the Year?
DT: Well, I love people. I treat them with care. My personality is anything but extreme. I push and push myself until I get what I want, which shows my strength. I am not ignorant and I only deliver the facts. I am confident and I can get people to do what I want, got them to vote, didn’t I?
So, I think that’s why they chose me. Anyway, what’s not to love, huh? *throws hands in mid air*
ED: *tries not to yell- you liar!* *swallows the words* True. And speaking of TIME, do you get free time at all, to spend it with your family?
DT: Not really, I’m working 24*7. It’s gruelling. Never thought it’d be so hard, you know. I mean, I don’t even get time to use ChapStick on my lips and now they’ve dried up.
I hardly see my children. But yeah my wife, Ivanka, oh, sorry *laughs* I mean, Melania – they’re both so beautiful it’s hard to tell the difference, you know- But yes, my wife has been by my side through it all. Got to love her, she’s a badass.
ED: That’s true. When both your wife and daughter are beautiful, it’s hard to tell the difference between them, I know. So, Mr. Trump, you’ve now got the most important job in the world, how would you say you’ll do well at it, by doing what differently?
DT: I have some plans. When I implement those plans, people will call me the King of Pop.
ED: Um. But isn’t that the title given to Michael Jackson, the Pop king?
DT: What? Get your facts right. Don’t behave like Hilary Clinton. I am the king of all.
ED: (Did he say ‘all’, the first time?) *Starts sweating* *Prepares self for F bombs*
Sorry, Mr. Trump, my bad. Moving on, what will you do on your first day as President?
DT: I’ll build a wall. Nobody builds a wall better than me. I’ll keep the immigrants out who are illegally entering and bringing drugs to our country. I’ll close up the borders. I mean, they should be bringing in tequila and vodka but what do they choose? They choose drugs! That’s some freakiest shittiest shit.
ED: *resists urge to ask if he’s going to build the wall himself* *raises eyebrow* that sounds…cool, Mr. Trump. I’d vouch for tequila too. I’m on your side. So, I guess this interview comes to an end now.
One last question, what qualities do you think a person should have to become TIME’s person of the year?
DT: Are you shitting me right now? You don’t have the audacity to ask me that question. TIME’s person is sitting right in front of you, that person is Donald Trump. Now get out of here, you’re FIRED you obnoxious piece of plastic!
ED: But…*clenches fist in anger*
*takes out ChapStick from jean pocket and throws it at his face*
DT: Now, where were we? *applies ChapStick*
Oh what the hell, Bring me the questions! I’ll interview myself.
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