Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we invite the current entertainment source of the country for a no-holds-barred interview with ED. We make sure they remember this interview, even though they never gave it as this is purely an imaginative piece (Oh how we wish this wasn’t!).
Heavy Disclaimer: If you are a really sensitive person and get offended at jokes/puns/humor/sarcasm/religion/stupidity/foolishness then please do not proceed to read further. You are voluntarily reading this article, no one has forced you or dictated this to you forcefully.
With temperatures soaring high between India and Pakistan this man has single handedly been able to make it worse.
His patriotic speeches spur venom more poisonous than snakes themselves. He is not deterred by negative world opinion, RAW or CIA. He is ISI’s best friend. We welcome Hafiz Saeed the founder and leader of Jammat-ul-Dawa and chief of Lashkar-ae-Taiba to the show.
ED: Welcome to Fake Friendly Friday Mr. Saeed.
HS: Thank you. I hate India but you people are giving me publicity so I don’t mind you all.
ED: Your group of hooligans rose to prominence with the 26/11 terrorist attack and you have continued to haunt people since, how do you manage this feat?
HS: This is all God’s grace. Not any God but just my God. See, killing people is easy but justifying it is the tough part. We say we do it in the name of religion and that is our escape.
We feed lies like India kills Muslims and the young men of our country are they are ready to die for vengeance.
ED: Mr. Saeed you’ve been constantly criticized for your hate speeches yet you are adamant on continuing with them. Why?
HS: *laughs* Haven’t you heard the saying that men don’t change. We can never let go of our basic nature.
My popularity greatly rests on hate. There are two kinds of people-People who hate me and my crusade and people who hate India as much as I do, so hate joins me with people.
ED: What is your crusade Mr. Saeed?
HS: To be honest, my crusade is about being rich and going to USA but my visa keeps getting rejected. I love nobody- not Pakistanis, not Muslims.
I kill a few men or just stage their death, blame the Indians, speak gibberish stuff and people believe it quicker than they believe the earth is round. My crusade is one big fat lie.
ED: What do you think about India?
HS: I can’t say enough about it because I’ve never been there.
ED: You said you’ll show what surgical strikes actually mean. How?
HS: Oh! That was what ISI told me to speak. I had to. They give me food, water, electricity and protection.
ED: Well! That was a very honest interview you gave us Mr. Saeed. I know you’ve upset a few people back home but don’t worry if you need asylum you can always take a walk along the LoC.
The Indian Army will take care of you. We thank you for your presence and hope you pay for your crimes soon.