By Kabir Chaudhary
We are back with the next chapter of Fake Friendly Fridays. So without any delay let’s start straight off with our (fake) interview with Agent 47 or Hitman, as we all know him better.
ED: Today we have in our studio the man whose face itself is scary enough to give you chills, and his name is ‘Agent 47′ or ‘Mr. 47′. Welcome to our show, sir.
Agent 47: Let’s get over with it. I have some things to deal with in the next building. *probably his next job*
ED: The question I want to begin with is, where and when were you born?
Agent 47: The location is classified. I am a clone. I was not born but made in a test tube with the help of science. If you were a Clone Trooper you would know.
ED: Ok sir, no need to be so furious. Let me ask you the next question. What is so special about the red tie? What does it signify?
Agent 47: Aahhh. You want to know about my famous ‘red tie’. For me, red is the colour of blood and a rush of blood is what my victims feel in the end when they are about to take their last breath. Other agents wear it as well. It is part of our unique identity and is a job requirement. Also, the tie makes us look classy and helps score some with the ladies, if you know what I mean.
ED: What are your weapons of choice?
Agent 47: A pair of glocks and a piano wire, very useful in stealth missions. And in extreme cases, I carry a Swiss Military knife. But my favourite weapon of choice is a Polonium 210.
ED: Apart from your profession what more can you tell us about yourself? What are your hobbies?
Agent 47: I am Bald! I love playing the piano and Jenga in my spare time. I am also a great photographer, courtesy all the surveillance photos I click.
ED: If you were not a professional Hitman, what would your alternate profession be?
Agent 47: An Actor. I could easily be selected as the lead in any of the motion pictures. After all, if Leonardo DiCaprio can act so can I. I think I would even get an Oscar before he ever does. (smiles)
ED: Yeah, no kidding. So, do you have any message for our readers?
Agent 47: Yes. My name is 47 and I am a professional hitman for hire. If you have any trouble, please contact me. My number is 9999912345 and my…
ED: SOMEBODY CUT THE FEED!
Interview conceptualised by Kabir Chaudhary for ED
Graphic Credits: Panache Ideas