Note: This article has elements of satire. Please read it in the spirit it was intended to be read in. And please don’t arrest us under the provisions of archaic laws that are older than this great country.
Last week Mr. Amit Shah, current president of the ruling Bharatiya Janata Party and arguably, the right-hand man to Prime Minister Narendra Modi created national headlines, on the airwaves as well as in the virtual world by,…… getting trapped inside a working lift of a state rest house.
Yes, you heard that right and no, I’m not on anything right now.
Every broadcasting medium in India was abuzz with the news of Mr. Shah’s predicament and how subsequently, the CRPF had to rip open the lift to let the occupants out. The buzz was deafening however, when the Bihar State government set up a high-level committee to prove how Shah got trapped inside the lift.
Nope, still not on anything.
Ordinarily for common people like us, getting stuck within a claustrophic space like a lift is a weekly affair. No matter how much we grumble at the attendant inside the lift (who undoubtedly, has the most boring job in the world), and how many times we tear our pants as we climb out of the lift, the very experience of it fills us with that same, renewed sense of apprehension and dread.
Which is why, it is fairly understandable that the very motherly Bihar government would want to prevent any more instances of claustrophobic anxiety.
After all, as embarrassing as the episode is, the government wouldn’t want to lose the precious too-lazy-to-climb-the-stairs vote bank.
Now that the committee is being chaired, what exactly will the final report say? “This Hon’ble Committee finds that this was a conspiracy perpetrated by the liberal, sickular political establishment on Shri Amitbhai Shah,” perhaps?
Or something on these lines, “This Hon’ble Court finds the Chief Minister of Bihar, guilty of neglecting to provide Wonkavators to State guests.” Or perhaps, and to be honest the more realistic finding, “The lift was overloaded. Face it.” Whatever the finding may be, I am looking forward to read it.
Perhaps, the committee will be kind enough to suggest a few recommendations as well, something like “Yoga doesn’t end with National Yoga Day.”
All kidding aside, just for a small, fraction of a moment, take care to consider what just happened. No, I’m not talking about metal being ripped apart to help a healthy man climb out of the lift without tearing his pajama, but of the enquiry that has been ordered.
Are we all so out of real work that we need to create work and reports out of nothing? A man got trapped in a lift, yes.
But, couldn’t that have been fixed by well, fixing the lift (Who am I kidding? The lift is probably in Pakistan by now).
Are we really so bad at sorting our priorities, especially when there are actual, real-world problems to consider and solve? Ordering such an enquiry on a trivial matter such as this is not only a waste of time and money but is disrespect to the ideas of mass and gravity.
In a country where an elected representative can send the SP of a district to look for his stolen buffaloes, this kind of news shouldn’t come as a surprise. Our leaders have for long exhibited a characteristic tendency to create something out of nothing and a mountain out of a molehill. This is just the latest salvo.
Take down this enquiry and focus on the issues that matter such as illiteracy, underdevelopment, poverty etc.
Do not waste your time and our patience with this bureaucratic circus.
God knows we have had enough of it.