By Neetu Suthar
Ladies and Gentlemen… Tonight, on the judgement panel, we have some very highly esteemed celebrities. Like all judges, they don’t know shit, but their opinion decides standards. Please welcome… the very inquisitive, very irksome and the very unsolicited: LOG! A.k.a. “The Peepals”.
The scorecard is measured in units of “Log Kya Kahenge”. This LKK factor has killed more dreams than anything else in the world. And it is one hell of a bitch to get by, because these people – all around us, drowning us, overwhelming us – have been hired to do the decision-making for us!
1. They are watching you…
Be it the desperate greedy eyes, staring like hungry lions when you are holding your girlfriend’s hand, or be it the self-proclaimed fashion police pitying the “clumsy” dress that girl is wearing (clumsy, my ass!); everywhere you go, they will know. They will find you, and they will talk about you! Wear a mini skirt and you are ‘Asking For It.’ Ugh!
2. Beware of ‘THE PADOS WALI AUNTY’
No more late nights! Mom is scared because of ‘Pados Wali Aunty’ saying “kya bharosa kab kya ho jaye?” C’mon! YOU are the sole decision maker. No one can rule the way you think the way you talk, the way you walk. Is #MyChoice only for the likes of Deepika, who has cute neighbours coming over only for Necafe?!
3. IITians earn… A LOT!
Oh puh-leez! You did NOT go to the IIT coaching because you thought you had a chance at the nation’s most coveted college! You did it because that’s what you were “supposed” to do after taking up science. Why did you not spend that time and money in doing something that was easier to you? Choosing a career in Arts doesn’t indicate stupidity. MORE RELEVANT or LESS RELEVANT, is yours to customize after all!
4. Inter-caste Marriage? NO!
But it’s okay to marry a tree (#AishwaryaRaiBachchan) or a dog. Does marrying within your caste guarantee a bed of roses having no sign of thorns? And why is it a bigger issue if Sharmaji doesn’t have a background check report on the one you chose yourself? One day, we are all going to end up in incest, and then I want to see, “Log Kya Kahenge”?
5. Believe me, fat is cute!
Them skinny beeches would die for curves like yours, girl! Take it as a compliment when they talk about your booty! If your partner is relentlessly poking you to lose weight, it’s time for the “the talk”, or perhaps directly “the drop”! As long as the person in the mirror is looking good to YOU, the rest don’t matter.
6. Happily Unmarried!
Self-sufficiency is a boon! You may not feel any need for a partner, and maybe independence is more to your taste. It’s not a rare possibility after all! Staying solitary has its advantages… with endless fun, come no responsibilities, and the best part? Freedom forever! Scream, shout, and be loud! Who cares what eavesdroppers hear?
Next time, if you find yourself being trapped by this LKK factor, remember: You be YOU, and let the world adjust.
After all, “Khuch toh log kahenge, logo ka kaam hai kehna”. So… kehne do jo hai kehna? Mene konsi sun leni hai unki?!
With additional inputs by Tanya Malaiya