Valentine’s Day 101: Flowers, Chocolates, Teddies, OMGWTF?!!!

Saint Valentine’s Day, also known as Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is a holiday (you wish) observed on February 14 each year.

HISTORY:  Saint Valentine (Valentinus) was a priest of Rome who was imprisoned for succouring persecuted Christians. During the last few weeks of Valentinus’ life, seeing that Valentinus was a learned man, the jailer asked him whether he would teach lessons to his daughter Julia, who had been blind since birth. Valentinus agreed. He told her about the history of Rome and the significance of God. On the eve of his death, Valentinus wrote a last letter to Julia urging her to stay close to God and signed it as “Your Valentine”- the date being February 14th.

So, for the past few centuries, the world has been celebrating Saint Valentine’s death anniversary and symbolising it as a day for love.

1601567_595246877218369_1128923325_n(ERHMAHGERD! THE VURJJEN TREEE!!!)

But today, Valentine’s day is celebrated in context of romantic love, (un)necessary gifting of material items, and (very) public display of affection. And boy is it CELEBRATED! Be it those special discount offers on Coffee shops, or decorating trees with heart shaped balloons and condoms (Read: Virgin Tree), there’s a lot to Valentine’s Day (which is and will always be incomprehensible to me):-

1. VALENTINES WEEK:-

  • ROSE DAY (February 7): White roses for peacemaking, yellow ones for friendship (damn you, friendzoners!) and the red ones (obviously) being for louve!
  • PROPOSE DAY (February 8): First of all. The term ‘proposal’ is so wrongly used. ‘Proposals’ are for marriages (or company deals). But according to the local lingo, a ‘proposal’ counts for a date, too.
  • CHOCOLATE DAY (February 9): You go and offer a chocolate to your crush and if (s)he accepts it, (s)he will probably go out with you! (or maybe (s)he just wants a free chocolate)
  • TEDDY DAY (February 10): What even..
  • PROMISE DAY (February 11): You make promises to your respective partners and mae promises to keep those promises till your last breath! (but we shall see)
  • HUG DAY (February 12): Because if you really want to hug your boyfriend/girlfriend tightly, you MUST wait for this day, for you just can’t hug him/her even when you’re ‘proposing’ to him/her (if (s)he says yes, that is. Tehe)
  • KISS DAY (February 13): First base. Awwyeah.
  • VALENTINES DAY (February 14): Death Anniversary of Saint Valentine. But this is more about all those gifts, letters, dates and all the louve!

 

 2. FLOWERS:-

funny-valentine-chartSomething that I have never quite understood and probably never will. Why would you gift , to your respective partner, something so fragile and more importantly, something that’s going to die so soon, as a token of your love for them? What are you trying to imply? That your love is going to die just like those flowers that you just gifted to them (which by the way wouldn’t have happened, had you let them grow and not got them plucked. You meanie, you!)?

 

3. GIFTS:-

Okay I’m not judging you or anything for giving gifts to your partners, but the kind of gifts that have been doing the rounds is just..!

funny-giant-Teddy-bear-car-Jeep

Confetti covered boxes, human size cut out cards and humongous teddy bears (which, by the way, cost A LOT) and what not!

And to think, candy and soda companies which run campaigns and hold contests promising gift cards for free ice creams IF YOU’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET THOSE CARDS IN THE FIRST TEN ICE CREAM CONES THAT YOU EAT.

 

4. HEART SHAPED ANYTHING:-

If legends are to be believed, the conventional heart shape so popularly used was actually derived from the shape of a woman’s posterior while she’s bending. So, sorry to burst your bubble, but, this is a heart:

humanheartNOT this:

fotolia_46223271Source – http://www.fotolia.com/Content/Comp/46223271

 

5. DECLARATION OF LOVE. ON FACEBOOK:

resized_winter-is-coming-meme-generator-brace-yourselves-valentine-s-day-posts-are-coming-cd480c

Seriously. Don’t do that. Go out, have fun. No one’s stopping you. But WHY would you let the world know about your love for your partner? How about um..I don’t know.. you tell THEM PERSONALLY? Because I’m pretty damn sure your ‘friends’ wouldn’t particularly be interested in your vows of love and the intimate details of your dates (that’s where you check the TMI bar), unless, of course, in barter for likes on their own profile pictures. :D

 

But the one thing that everyone seems to forget about. Not. For they won’t let you.

6. THE FOREVER ALONES:

ForeverAloneYes, we sympathise with you for not having landed any date this year. Yet again.  But you really don’t have to whine about it on all of your social media profiles and/or to everyone else in your acquaintance, in person. Put half as much effort into asking your crush out as you do into that rant on Facebook and you might just land a date. But on a serious note, folks. Don’t lose hope. Better luck next year. :*

So, all of you out there who feel the dire need to observe a specific day for telling your loved ones how you feel about them, go out and have fun! And do NOT, under any circumstances, forget to celebrate the days in the chronological order that the Valentine’s Week has been designed in.

Oh and. Happy Valentine’s yo!

 

 

By Dhwani Mohan

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