The ‘Swacch Bharat Abhiyaan’ campaign aims to accomplish the vision of ‘Clean India’ by 2 October 2019, 150th birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi. The campaign started with a huge uproar with Mr Modi nominating the glitterati and several organizations to take up brooms and flood our social media feeds with their perfectly posed pictures in shades holding brooms. However, for the SBA to really succeed, a mutual collaboration between the government and the people of India is of prime importance. The question though is, can the hypocritical littering-obsessed Indian, who’ll shut you up if you talk trash but keep mum when you throw trash really help accomplish the far-fetched dream of a ‘Swacch Bharat’?
India, the U-r-i-nation:
India is not a nation but a u-r-i-nation, full of pee-culiar people who believe that peeing in the open is their birthright and they shall have it. We’ve brought the ‘pissing alley’ from London to India, yeah we are that talented! Our pissing alleys reside in every nook and cranny that the man with the full bladder can find.
There is no lack of unity among us Indians. We piss only where others have already pissed and this is how we collaborate little by little to help jointly create a masterpiece on the canvas(walls) of muck, spit, paan, moss, phlegm and what not. Do I do the same in my house, you ask? Do I look like a filthy maniac to you, I ask?
The capital itself boasts of having installed 3712 public toilets for men in collaboration with Sulabh International Social Service Organisation, according to the latest reports of Municipal Corporation of Delhi. Littering by birds can be excused, because well government hasn’t made loos for them, has it? No, being a birdbrain doesn’t count.
Well don’t start judging us just yet. Because I am yet to tell you about our artistic skills. Walls. Ohh walls you dear dear walls dost thou know how much we love thee? What a sore sight is a clean spotless wall untouched by excreta to our eyes. Ironically, the dirtiest ones are the ones that say ‘yahaan peshaab karna mana hai’or ‘yahaan thukna mana hai’ and yeah some or the other creative chap would have struck out ‘mana’ with a spatter of paan with utmost efficiency but ask him to aim his spit at a can or the rubbish at a bin and goes to hell all his darting skills.
Khaike Paan Banaras Wala!
Delhi-ites are known for their panache to paint the town red, but did you know that we literally paint the town red too! The Red fort and Humayun tomb, Qutub minar and the like are not red only because of the red of the sandstone but we Delhites have played our role in spattering and splashing it with our red hot betel soups too. See what excruciating efforts we make to endorse atithi devo bhava by seeing to the adorning of our historical monuments ourselves and thus help keep our heritage alive and rich. Wonder what will happen when Indians start inhabiting the moon(land on moon is up for sale). Send the paan lovers on moon and they’ll paint it into mars. And all hell shall break loose for our dear Mangalyaan!
Sharing is caring
Not to forget the love we share for each other by writing cheesy messages and obnoxious poetry for our beloveds on the walls and sketching obscene graphics. The jilted lover in us ardently hopes that our lady-love would somehow stumble upon these verse of brimming passion and artistic representations of our thoughts and desires and fall head over heels in love with us. See that’s the point. We live by the motto of sharing. Be it love, empty wrappers, bottles, glass, banana skins, peanut peels, condoms and what not. We leave it out in the streets, so whoever is in need of it can pick it up and do what the hell they want with it. Such social workers we are! You might wonder if we’ve even heard of dustbins. The buckets with ‘use me’ are for turning upside down. Right? No? They’re not?
Stubborn by nature and being brought in the society that preaches the ‘chalta hai’ attitude, we Indians love to ignore the laws because boss sab to apne baap ki hi hai na!
But well, what the laws cant do, the divine can. All you need do is stick up some portraits of Ganesha or Shiva on the walls and see how our dharmik alter ego takes precedence. I dare you to spot even one of us peeing or spitting on such walls!
We are a very cultured lot. Although we dump our regular garbage outside our neighbour’s houses, the little idols of gods and the used garlands of flowers shall always be spotted either at the roots of the pious peepal tree or swimming in the muddy(but mind you, sacred!) waters of rivers. Could we be more religious and pure hearted than this?
We can even create hills!
Delhi is not a hill station but if ever you get bored by the mundane lifestyle you can head to the Ghazipur landfills or Karnal bypass to get a feel of it. Because hills you sure will see there, but hills of garbage, huge mounds of rubbish stinking in all its glory. Here you’ll see people bathing their muck away in yet more muck of the river-turned-gutters where people wash their dirty linen in public, quite literally. While the Lutyens Delhi area is called the drawing room of the capital city, the hoardes of shanties and drains on the outskirts of Delhi make for the ‘gutter’ of the city. The deteriorating condition of yamuna is not unknown.
So basically we Indians, being staunch fans of Rajnikanth are capable of performing such great feats as creating hills but when it comes to keeping our surroundings clean we tend to forget Shaktimaan’s lessons that he has taught us over the years about good living.
We all know of the transformation of Surat into Khoobsurat following the plague outbreak in 1994. Need we wait for another such catastrophe before we finally wake up from our slumber and take up the broom ourselves? What the need of the hour is a revolution. Sweeping our guilt under the rug is not an option if we wish to attain the status of a truly developed society. Its time to awaken our conscience and take a stand before its too late for prevention is always better than cure.
By- Aakanksha Kumari