AMISH – HOW THE COMMUNITY LIVES TODAY? ACC. TO THEM, WE’RE DAMNED TO HELL!

What if I told you that in this age of highly advanced technology there lived a community who are still stuck in the 18th century? And that this community shuns all modernity and thinks that we are all destined to burn in hell? No. I thought so. Because it’s like saying, that India has now fallen under the panchayat raj, where women are neither allowed to wear jeans nor carry cell phones and eating ‘CHOWMEIN’ makes them sexually excited. So, think again! This community is known as the AMISH COMMUNITY who reside in Pennsylvania, U.S.A (obviously, if aliens and zombies can attack only America and no other country, then it’s a given that weird-cuck-coo people will live there too).

Miller Family revised

 

So, a brief background on these long-bearded folks (and no, the women are not like Conchita Wurst…). The Amish descend from the Swiss Brethren of Anabaptists who lived in the low lying countries of Europe and Germany; only to migrate towards America in the 18th century due to the disturbance caused by religious wars, poverty and religious persecution of the continent. They settled first-off in the state of Pennsylvania, which till date, holds the largest Amish Mennonite population (later they spread across the country).

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These Amish believe in submitting to the ‘Will of Jesus’. They reject modernity, technology, pride and arrogance. Live humble, simple lives. Then damn you to hell. Travel by foot or a cart, see your latest Mercedes S-class and damn you to hell again. They wear full-length suits or dresses; see your short skirts then damn you to hell.  Amish eat simple hand-ploughed crops and home-made butter; they see you eating exotic food in a hotel then damn you to hell. Yeah, you’re probably like, “what’s with the damning to hell, bro?” well let me explain in 2 simple ways:

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1. THE MODERN MEDIEVAL

Use of phones: Forbidden

Watching television: What’s that?

Clothes that show legs: Save it for your wedding night for that complete  stranger your parents made you marry.

AmishPoster

 

Wedding dress: Stitch to your own liking (must be nothing but the traditional blue. Oh, and also you’ll be buried in it, so make it tasty enough for the worms)

 

Amish Stripper.

Cars: You can sit in it, touch it, lick it, stare at it and even jump in front of it but if you own it, you burn in it!

Moustache: N.O.

Beard: Grow! Grow! Grow!

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General clothing:  Dress like you’re in mourning your entire life and make them yourself. Ain’t nobody got time for a sin like shopping!

 

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Footwear:  Black leather shoes. Only. How colourful is that?!

Language: Pennsylvanian Dutch – a mix of German and Dutch.

Jobs: Rake ‘em fields, milk ‘em cows, feed ‘em hens and sell ‘em woven cloth!

 

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So, all in all, living like our primate ancestors is the next big thing! They believe in shunning all things that make you greedy and full of lust; adopt simplistic ways of life. Therefore, according to what they hold: we are all sinners and lack moral. BUT : ( See Image)

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2. BREAKING FREE OF THE AMISH

Now, if you had the killer looks of Scarlett Johanson, auburn hair of Kirsten Dunst and legs like Shakira, would you want to dress like plain-Jane and churn butter all day? Well, neither did Kate Stoltz. TLC started a show known as ‘Breaking Amish’ where in during their adolescence, young adults are given an opportunity to explore the outside world, known as Rumspringa, was telecast. So the kids go, see what this technology driven world is like and at the end of it decide whether to leave or stay Amish. And one such Amish teenager was Kate Stoltz who got overwhelmed by the glamour-world and pursued her dream of becoming a model.

 

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I guess these Amish send their teens out in the open to see how “poisonous” our world is but usually it back fires and bites them in the rear… I mean it’s like telling a fifteen year old to make his own bed every day…well, we know how that works out, mom, don’t we?

Amish Movie Producers: "I'm greenlighting two new projects: Snakes on a Buggy and Barn Raisers of the Caribbean!"

 

So, what would you rather do? Clean cow-dung from the barn, all day, every day or throw your shoes all over the place and plonk yourself in front of the T.V.? After all, we need to give our royal-hinds some rest from the absolute ‘nothing’ we do all day! Thus, we choose the lard-ball way of life, not to mention that we do work hard but we prefer the Air conditioned nine-to-fives!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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